


The Seven Percent Solution

by Mayoki



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, BrOT4, Bromance, Depression, Drug Use, Fluff, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-24 20:44:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3783766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayoki/pseuds/Mayoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insomnia has fallen. His father is dead. And Noctis is burdened by visions of those that have died and those that have yet to die.</p><p>How does one cope with such devastating loss? How do you keep your head above water and carry on, burdened with guilt for surviving where so many have died? And terrified of losing those that you hold dear.</p><p>The solution will lead Noctis on a downward spiral, and he'll need his friends more than ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Blame the cold medications. >>; And listening to Sia albums, they're all dark and depressing. I'm really sorry for this; it's dark and depressing and yeah. I have no real excuse for it, but it's one that I've had in my head for a while and this weekend I had the time to sit down and get it out of my head.
> 
> Warning for extensive drug use; please don't read if this is a trigger for you. Also mentions of self harm and eating disorders. Noct really gets it this time, I've been absolutely horrible to him. D:

_Surely the game is hardly worth the candle. Why should you, for a mere passing pleasure, risk the loss of those great powers with which you have been endowed?_

-Watson, The Complete Sherlock Holmes

 

They thought he was asleep, and that was perfectly fine with him. If they thought he was asleep then they wouldn't talk to him. They wouldn't ask him if he was alright, or if he needed anything. Because he wasn't alright. And he needed things that couldn't be given. He needed his father back. He needed his kingdom restored. He needed the crystal returned and Idola to be dead and so many other things that were out of their control. So it was better to pretend to be asleep, and bottle all of that inside of him while they drove for miles and miles with no real destination in mind other than to get as far away from Lucis as possible. And that was fine with him too.

'Where are we going?' Prompto asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Ignis took a deep breath, almost as if he had just woken up himself. They'd been cruising along a straight country lane for ages and in truth he had almost nodded off. He was tired and bruised from the escape, and at a complete loss for how to answer Prompto. 'I'm not sure.'

'What about the other cities Niflheim attacked for their crystals?' Gladiolus asked, leaning forward and resting a huge forearm against the top of Prompto's headrest. 'They might offer us protection while we regroup?'

Ignis considered this for a moment, tapping long, elegant fingers against the steering wheel. 'It's worth a try. My instinct would be to go to Solheim or Accordo as they're closer, unfortunately I wouldn't be entirely happy with seeking refuge with either of them as political tensions are not as tight as Lucis's bonds with Tenebrae. It's further away, but I suggest we head there. Lunafreya was from Tenebrae, perhaps their royal family will be more compassionate to our cause as one of their own nobles was caught in the crossfire.'

'Tenebrae it is, then,' Gladiolus said, sitting back in his seat. 'But damned if I'm sleeping in the car all the way there. It's one hell of a trek.'

'It will take almost a week to travel there by car, perhaps more depending on the travel restrictions that Niflheim may be putting in place. And we're also travelling with a high profile wanted man,' Ignis said, glancing in the rear view mirror.

'And for once he's not talking about me,' Prompto said, trying to lighten the mood.

Gladiolus gave him a tired smile. 'Dork. You were never high profile.'

'Gimme some credit, I had loads of people after me,' Prompto shot back.

The mood didn't last, though, and soon an uneasy silence fell in the car again. The roads were dark, and they didn't meet any other vehicles, which made it feel like they were the only people left on the planet. Finally Prompto got fidgety again and twisted in his seat.

'Is he okay?'

Gladiolus reached out for Noctis, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder. 'He'll be alright. It was a bit of a shock for all of us today, but once he's had a good sleep he'll be fine.'

Ignis said nothing, but watched the exchange in the mirror, before turning back to the road. 'We'll see how he is when he wakes up. Not all wounds are visible. He just lost the last of his family, and his home.'

Prompto frowned. 'We're his family too.'

Ignis smiled. 'Of course. But we should be prepared for every eventuality.'

They spent the first night in the car, and when they woke cranky and achy the next morning they decided that doing so again would only be a last resort. Gladiolus took a turn at driving to give Ignis a break partway through the day, but otherwise it was a boring trip through countryside and towns that hadn't really been touched by Niflheim activity. People went about their business, and it almost felt as if the world was settling down. Except whenever they turned on the radio and got updates from Lucis. Unsurprisingly nobody had been able to find Noctis's body. That was bad news that they were looking for bodies; soon Idola would begin the search for him, guessing that the crown prince was still alive. What was surprising was that Lunafreya's body was also missing. They spent a good hour or so musing on the possibilities of her still being alive but in the end it changed nothing and they continued on the long trip to Tenebrae.

As the sun began to set Prompto stirred to life, and turned to Ignis who was driving again. 'Are we stopping soon? I'm starving. And my legs ache.'

'According to the map there should be a town approximately fifteen miles away. We can rest for the night there,' Ignis said.

'Awesome, I want to stretch my legs a bit,' Prompto said, stretching his arms up high so that his fingers knocked against the roof of the car.

'It will be good for us all to take a breather,' Ignis said, catching Gladiolus's gaze. 'Is he…?'

Gladiolus looked to the side. 'Still sleeping.'

Ignis clicked his tongue, and tried not to think about what that meant. The prince had slept almost constantly since they'd left Lucis, and Ignis was starting to worry that perhaps he had been injured and was simply covering it up. They'd woken him for meals, but Noctis had barely touched a thing on his plate, seemingly more interested in getting back to his napping. He hoped that perhaps stopping in a town might brighten the prince up a little. They had to be careful about him being seen, but there would be time to perhaps watch a movie or even take a walk about the town when it got a bit later and they were less likely to be recognised.

The town wasn't huge by any stretch of the imagination but that was perfectly fine. There was a nice hotel that they checked into, booking two twin rooms next door to each other. Gladiolus and Noctis shared one, Ignis and Prompto took the other, and once they had settled their few possessions into their rooms they met in the corridor to go down for dinner at the restaurant.

'Feels like we're on a double date,' Prompto said with a smirk as they sat around a circular table and read their menus.

Gladiolus snorted. 'Okay hot shot. Who's dating who?'

'Well, obviously I'm dating Noct. I have class you know, I don't just date nobility. I go straight for the top,' Prompto teased, turning to Noctis. 'That does mean you're paying for me, right? Can't expect your date to foot the bill.'

Noctis finally looked up, realising that he was being included. 'I don't have any money.'

'I was teasing, Ignis is in charge of our money,' Prompto assured him, his smile fading a little when Noctis went back to studying the menu intently. 'Nothing you like?'

Noctis hummed, and folded his menu. 'Not really hungry.'

'I'm not surprised, you're probably still full up from that mouthful of sandwich you almost ate at lunch,' Prompto said, the frown deepening on his face. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' Noctis said distractedly, lacing his fingers together.

If Prompto had been about to press further he was cut off by the waiter arriving to take their orders. When they got to Noctis he simply ordered coffee, and slid his menu across the table.

'Make that two bowls of garula stew,' Ignis told the waiter, then turned to Noctis. 'You'll at least try to manage a few spoonfuls.'

Noctis sipped at the coffee once it came, and tried to follow the conversations going on around him but it was difficult. All he could see were images of the dead; the staff that had served his family for years lying twisted and broken. His father, peacefully slumped in a chair. He could have been asleep if it hadn't been for the perfect round hole in his forehead. By the time their food arrived he was already feeling nauseas, and the meaty scent of rack of ribs from Gladiolus's plate was enough to turn his stomach. He could feel Ignis watching him though, so he dutifully picked up his spoon and stirred the bowl of stew he'd been given, trying to work up the appetite and energy to lift the spoon to his lips. How he made it through the meal he had no idea, he just wanted to scream or cry or something. But he kept himself together, ate half of his dinner and then followed Gladiolus up to their room again. As soon as the door was shut he found himself being watched again.

'What's up?' Gladiolus asked.

'Why does something have to be up?' Noctis asked, wandering over to his bed and lying down, hoping to end the conversation.

'We're in a town, it's barely eight in the evening, and we've got a day of driving ahead of us tomorrow. You're telling me you don't want to go out for a little bit?'

'I'm tired,' Noctis said, hugging his pillow and turning away from his bodyguard.

'Tired? You've slept for over a day. And you can sleep in the car tomorrow. Come on, come out for a bit. It'll do you good.' Gladiolus patted the prince's back gently, trying to encourage him up.

Noctis just groaned. He really didn't want to. He loved the other men, of course he did, but right now he wanted to be alone. Apparently they didn't care what he wanted. And felt they knew what was best for him. Five minutes later he was wrapped up in a jacket against the chill of the night and walking down a dark street with his friends as they chatted happily, as if the world wasn't going to hell around them. Noctis just kept his head low and sauntered behind them. Whenever he looked up he saw the golden light of souls long dead floating around, calling out to him. There were more and more every day. Niflheim was winning at whatever game it was they were playing.

'Noct? Movie time, buddy,' Prompto said, slowing down to fall into step behind the dark haired man.

'Right,' Noctis said

Though the thought of sitting still and watching a film wasn't all that appealing. Now that he was out in the night air he felt like taking a walk. He felt terrible for it, but he began looking for the opportunity as soon as they had entered the cinema. It wasn't particularly busy, but there were enough people around to cause enough of a distraction that as his friends went off to check out the currently playing films Noctis was able to break away from the group and head back toward the exit. He moved quickly, silently, and was rewarded with a cool rush of air as he stepped outside into the darkness. He wrapped his coat further around his body and walked briskly, feeling a rush of adrenaline at what he had done. Never in his years had he ever felt the need to escape from his guardians, but tonight…tonight he wanted to be alone for a bit. There was a stab of guilt as he pictured how panicked his friends would be when they realised he wasn't there, and he knew he was in for a telling off from Ignis and Gladiolus when he got back. But the benefits outweighed the risks, so he carried out through the streets with no destination in mind, but the fresh air clearing his head.

He was thinking too much, he knew it. Dwelling on things that had happened and things to come. By being close to him his friends were putting themselves in danger. Too many people had already died for him, he couldn't let them get hurt. With a sigh he finally came to a stop, and leaned against the cool brick wall of a shop front. He let his head fall back with a little thud, and stared up at the sky. At the swirling light of the dead. All those people. All of them grotesquely misshapen from their death wounds or sicknesses. Shapes with limbs missing, or gunshot wounds to the head and chest. Some decapitated, others with their necks twisted. So many dead people.

'Hey,' said a voice.

Noctis almost jumped out of his skin.

A dark chuckle. 'Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.'

'You didn't,' Noctis said, frowning and wrapping his arms around himself protectively. He didn't like the look of the man leaning against the wall beside him, and he had the distinct fear he was about to be mugged. At least Ignis had all their gil.

'You nearly pissed yourself,' the guy said with a lazy grin. He was of medium height, with dark hair and sunglasses even at night. A cigarette hung from his lips, and when he pulled it out of his mouth Noctis noticed his knuckles were scraped. 'You should relax.'

'Yeah. Chance would be a fine thing,' Noctis said, feeling more tense than ever with the stranger talking to him.

'So what's your story?' the guy asked. 'You're wound up pretty bad. Girl ditch you? Rent overdue?'

Noctis frowned. 'No.'

The man laughed again. _'Guy_ ditch you?'

'No,' Noctis said, a little more forcefully.

'Hey, I don't judge,' the man said, holding his hands up in defence. 'Guy as pretty as you-'

'I'm not in a relationship and I never have been,' Noctis said hotly.

'Right. Fine. Seriously though, you're strung tighter than my guitar. You want a little…?'

Noctis blinked in confusion. 'A little what?' It suddenly occurred to him that the guy might be coming on to him, so he began backing away a little.

'You know. A little pick me up. Help you chill out a bit.'

'What are you on about?' Noctis asked, suddenly wishing his friends would find him. He could take the yelling, he just wanted to feel safe again.

The guy reached into his jacket pocket and drew out a small vial of white powder. 'This is what you're out here for, right?'

Finally Noctis clicked. 'You want to sell me drugs?'

The guy rolled his eyes. 'Don't act innocent. Why else would you be hanging around this part of town dressed all in black and looking like someone ran over your puppy? You want it or not?'

'No. No I don't,' Noctis said, intending to push away from the wall and storm off indignantly. But he didn't. He stayed staring at the vial. 'What is it?'

'What do you think? C, duh. You've never done it before?'

Noctis shook his head. Of course he hadn't, he was a prince. 'What does it do?' he heard himself asking.

The guy grinned, flashing a row of crooked, pale yellow teeth. 'It takes away all your troubles.'

For a long moment Noctis stared at it, then he shook himself. What the hell was he even thinking? He was smart enough to know that anything someone was trying to sell him on the street was bad news. Even if there was the slightest, teeniest possibility that for five minutes it would stop him from seeing the dead. That it would make him forget that his friends were in danger simply by being associated with him, that his father was dead and his home had been invaded…

The man stepped closer to him, holding up the vial. 'You've really never done this before, have you?'

'No,' Noctis whispered, feeling cold all the way to his bones.

'It's simple. You just take a needle - a clean one - and you draw it up. Use a tourniquet on your arm. Then enjoy being happy.'

'I don't…no. No,' Noctis said, pulling away.

The man sighed and reached into his pocket again, pulling out a little syringe in a wrapper. Then he leaned forward and put the vial and the needle in Noctis's jacket pocket. 'You could use a dose of happy, kid. This one's on me, okay? I don't do this for just anyone but your eyes tell me that something is seriously bothering you. When you're ready for more come find me, alright? Ask for Jack.'

'I don't want it,' Noctis said, reaching into his pocket to try and give it back.

The man just shook his head and melted into the shadows. 'My gift to you.'

Noctis watched him vanish, and felt the edges of the packages in his pocket. He was about to pull them out and chuck them down the storm drain when he heard footsteps. He drew his hand out of his pocket quickly and turned to see three figures racing down the street. Busted.

'Highness!' Ignis sounded pissed off.

'Prince!' Gladiolus sounded even more pissed off.

He assumed a guilty look and waited for them to reach him. Gladiolus didn't stop, he reached forward and grabbed him by his shoulders, tightly.

'What the hell are you playing at? I turned around and you were gone. Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought you'd been kidnapped, thought maybe Niflheim was already one step ahead of us and they'd taken you or something.'

'I'm sorry,' Noctis said, and he really was. He'd known it would cause them worry, but seeing the fear in Gladiolus's eyes really brought home what a stupid thing he'd done.

'You're sorry? That's _it?_ Dammit Noct,' Gladiolus said, pulling the smaller man into a hug. 'What the hell is going on with you?'

Ignis was there next, with a steady hand on his shoulder. As fearful as Gladiolus had looked Ignis's emerald eyes were filled with disappointment. That was even worse.

'Highness, we're here to help you in any way we can. If you keep pushing us away then how can we help you?'

Nobody talked much as they cut the evening short and walked back to the hotel. Ignis gave him a quick once-over glance, and hovered by the bedroom door in case he wanted to start talking. But he didn't. Prompto was even worse, sitting next to him on his bed and chatting about random things, but the lack of response from Noctis soon became too much and Prompto gave up too. The door closed and Noctis was left with Gladiolus. He was quick to dive under the covers and pretend to fall asleep, but Gladiolus wasn't fooled. He felt a dip on the bed as Gladiolus sat down beside him.

'Seriously, Noct. What's wrong?'

What was wrong? Everything was wrong. 'They're all dead. Everyone that has anything to do with me ends up dead. And then I get to see them because Etro thought it would be funny to give me the gift of Sight. And you guys…you're in danger just by being near me.' There. He'd said it.

There was a long pause, then Gladiolus shifted. Noctis thought he was going to get up and leave but instead the tank laid down behind him, spooning up against his back and wrapping a huge arm around his waist.

'Niflheim will pay for what they did.'

'What about what they're _going_ to do?' Noctis asked, tears gathering in his eyes. 'What about you? And Ignis and Prompto? What if you die too, because of me? What if I can't protect you and Idola takes you too? What if I see you in the light every day for the rest of my life?'

Gladiolus sighed. 'It's what we signed up for. Protecting the royal family isn't supposed to be a safe job. We all know that there's a chance we'll have to take a bullet for you, or protect you from a grenade or something.'

Noctis chocked out a hollow laugh. 'Great. So you've all picked careers that will end in early deaths. Makes me feel so much better.' The arms around his waist tightened.

'We don't do it because of duty. If we did we'd have left you at the palace. Lucis is losing, there's nobody about to hold us to our oaths or execute us as traitors. We're protecting you because we love you, Noct. Because you're our friend. And right now you're acting a little crazy, and I think you need us more than ever.'

He did. He needed them so much that it scared him. Right now having Gladiolus close to him was calming him down a little, easing the knot in his stomach. But at the same time it terrified him that by keeping them so close they'd get killed because of him. A cruel irony, and one that made him want to run away again and leave them completely for their own safety.

Gladiolus tucked himself around him, and Noctis knew that he didn't need to say anything. They were used to his bouts of moody silence, his ability to brood was well known. But so was his ability to bounce back from it, and to tease and joke and have fun with his friends. But this time he couldn't see a way back from his depression. Couldn't see how things could ever get better. Hot tears ran down his cheeks and soaked into the pillow, but he didn't make a sound. He just let himself enjoy being held, and promised himself that tomorrow he would be stronger.

-

'What would you like for breakfast?' Ignis asked. It wasn't a casual question, the emerald gaze was intense as the bespectacled man _dared_ Noctis to claim he wasn't hungry.

He wasn't hungry. But he politely asked for toast.

With breakfast over and done with they were back on the road, travelling through yet more countryside. It was boring and dull, but right now Noctis was grateful for that. Boring and dull meant that his friends were safe. Out in the countryside meant that he couldn't see the light of the dead very well. But boring and dull also meant that his brain was free to replay the events of the invasion over and over like a stuck record, and his mind was free to imagine new and interesting ways in which his friends could die while protecting him.

When they stopped for petrol Noctis almost broke the door handle getting out of the car. He stumbled to the building and hurried inside without a word to his friends.

'Guess he really needed the bathroom?' Prompto said to fill the silence.

'We need to talk to him,' Gladiolus said. 'And you guys know how rubbish I am at talking about serious things. I tried last night but I don't think I got through to him. He's upset, I can tell that much.'

'Of course he's upset, he lost his father and the kingdom,' Ignis said, adjusting his glasses. 'He hasn't had time to properly mourn the king, and everything is up in the air right now. Once we reach Tenebrae hopefully he can settle a little more and not have to worry so much.'

Prompto didn't agree. He felt that something needed to be done right now to pull Noctis out of his slump. So while Ignis filled the car up and discussed routes to Tenebrae with Gladiolus, Prompto headed off for the petrol station. Inside was air conditioned to the point of being too cold, and goose bumps ran up his arms. He took a moment to check out the chocolate selection, and made a mental note to bug Ignis into letting him buy a giant bag of Twix pieces when he paid for the petrol. Twix would help cheer Noctis up, he was sure.

Noctis wasn't thinking about chocolate. He was sat on the filthy floor of the service station restroom, with the vial of powder held delicately between his thumb and forefinger. Why he had kept it he didn't know. Why he had transferred it from his coat to his lighter jacket pocket, he didn't know. Why he was sitting here looking at it now, he didn't know. But he was. And the same reason that he was made him take out the little syringe the man had given him, too. What was he supposed to do with it, though? Could you inject powder? And how much was enough? He didn't want to overdose, hell he didn't want to get addicted either. He just wanted a little something to take the edge off his worrying. To help with the demons that plagued him.

He turned the little vial around, then set it down on the floor and unwrapped the syringe. It was sharp. He pulled off the glove from his arm and hovered the tip of the needle against his skin, pressing gently to see how sharp it was. Very sharp, he noted with a hiss of pain.

Okay, so he had a very sharp needle and something that would make him feel relaxed. How did he go about getting the powder into him? He had absolutely zero experience with this kind of thing, and before last night he hadn't wanted to. But now he had the drug. And the temptation to use it was almost unbearable. He just wanted to see if it helped. He wasn't going to become an addict or anything; he only had one little tiny vial of drug, and no way to get any more. So even if his body wanted it there was nothing he could do. That thought rationalised what he was doing to himself, even though he knew what he was doing was very, very wrong. Why else would he be doing the act while hiding from his friends in a disgusting toilet?

Once again he wondered what he was doing. The vial looked up at him innocently, and Noctis felt sick at himself for even contemplating doing it. What was he thinking? What if he screwed up and took too much and ended up dead locked in the loo? What would his friends think if they found him with a needle in his arm, unconscious? Disgusted at himself Noctis opened up the vial and tipped the powder down the toilet, flushing it all away. Then in anger at himself he grabbed the needle he'd been half-intending to use and in a flash of frustration he dragged the sharp tip across his arm, digging the metal into flesh and relishing the brief stab of pain. It was enough of a rush, enough to calm him down and make him realise what he was doing. He felt stupid. So damn stupid. He tossed the syringe behind the toilet, dabbed the excess blood from his arm then pulled his glove back on to hide the cut. Satisfied he took a shaky breath and exited the toilet…and almost walked right into Prompto.

'Uh, hi?' he said, suddenly feeling very obvious. What if Prompto could tell what he'd been intending to do? What if he knew? Panic ran through his body as Prompto looked up from the row of magazines he'd been browsing.

'Hey, look at this. New Warcraft game is out next month,' Prompto said, holding up a gaming magazine.

Noctis released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. The cut on his wrist screamed in pain but he let himself use that as an anchor. 'Cool. Hopefully we'll be back in Lucis by then, and everything will be settled down.'

'Yeah,' Prompto said, setting the magazine down in its stand. 'So. Ignis and Gladiolus are doing a bit of shopping, getting some supplies and stuff. Wanna go get some air while they're busy?'

The panic returned. Prompto totally knew. His friend was usually so light and carefree, but there was a deliberate edge to his words. But what could he do? If he refused then Prompto would definitely know that something was wrong. Noctis forced a smile onto his face. 'Sure.'

The sun was warm on his face as they walked side by side around the petrol station then out to a picnic bench by the side of the road. The area was empty and there weren't even any cars on the road as they took seats opposite each other. Noctis sat awkwardly, staring out down the long, straight road, hoping that Ignis and Gladiolus would be finished soon.

'I'm not going to ask if you're okay, because you'll just say yes like you always do,' Prompto said softly. 'So I'll just remind you, in case you've forgotten. When he said that we're here for you, Ignis wasn't just talking about getting you to Tenebrae in one piece. Noct, how long have I known you for? And they've known you even longer. We're family. We've been through everything together. I know we're asking a lot dragging you halfway across the world, and that you need time to sort through everything that happened, but maybe talking about it will help? You don't have to do this alone.'

Noctis started when a hand covered his own. He glanced down at them, Prompto's warm hand curled around his. A few inches up and Prompto's fingers would be slick with blood… The thought made him feel sick. What would Prompto say about that? His friend said that he could talk about anything, but what about something as stupid as that?

'There's not much to talk about,' Noctis said.

'Not much to…? Noct, you lost your dad. And not just peacefully in his sleep, he was murdered. That's kind of a big deal. I mean, I know my dad's a bit of a loser, but at least he's alive and I can go and see him in jail whenever I want.'

Noctis swallowed back a lump in his throat. He hadn't been there for the assassination, but thanks to Etro's gift he could see it play out whenever he closed his eyes. 'I'll get over it.' He tried to discreetly pull his hand back, terrified that Prompto would realise what was under his glove.

Prompto held onto his hand firmly, though, running his thumb over Noctis's knuckles. Any other day Noctis would have been comforted, but now he was afraid. So afraid of Prompto seeing the cut, of judging him.

'It's not just your dad though, right? All those people in the palace that died. They were like family too. I remember their names and faces, and now they're gone.'

 _All because they knew me and my father,_ Noctis thought bitterly. Suddenly the sharp sting on his wrist made sense. It was his punishment for letting them all die.

'And your home was destroyed and the crystal stolen. So long as Idola is alive and has that, then there's no going back to Lucis. Nothing will ever be the same,' Prompto was saying. 'You're probably beating yourself up over all of that, too, as if you could have stopped the entire Niflheim army by yourself.'

He should have done, though. There must have been more he could have done. To save more people, to stop the crystal being taken. Noctis frowned and played it over again, the moment when he'd finally realised that he had lost…

So caught up in his dark thoughts Noctis didn't notice Prompto's hand slipping up his arm. He did, however, feel the cool air on his wrist, and the sharp sting as the material pulled at the scab on his arm. 'What are you doing?' Noctis hissed, trying to pull his arm back. But it was too late; Prompto had seen. His heart was pounding in his chest as he glanced up to meet Prompto's eyes, terrified at what he might find in them. Instead of disgust or confusion he saw something else.

'When my mum died I went through a bit of a rough patch. I was angry at everything, and I didn't know how to vent it. My dad turned to alcohol and drugs, I turned to the razor in the bathroom. Only once, though, that was all it took for me to realise that I didn't really want to die.' Prompto pulled down his own left glove, showing off a faded, thin silver scar across his wrist. 'Heh. Apparently I even screwed that up; you're meant to do it longways, not across. I didn't know that at the time thankfully. Lost a bit of blood, but no real damage was done. It scared the hell out of me, though, and I never did it again. Noct…I understand, okay? I know you're feeling scared and alone. But you don't have to. We're here for you. And when I say that I mean it. Anything you need, we're here for you. If you want to yell at someone, go ahead and yell at me, I can take it. If you want to hit me…uh, maybe go for Gladio, he won't even feel it. If you're feeling lonely and just need a hug, well you've got three people that would queue up for that.'

'Prom…' Noctis whispered, feeling stupid all over again for what he'd done. And for what he'd intended to do with the cocaine. How could he ever do this to his friends? 'I just feel so messed up.'

'I know. Just take things one step at a time, okay? Don't let Idola win and kill your light too. Tenebrae is miles away yet, you've got plenty of time to rest and relax and try to get your head on straight, okay?' Prompto said, slipping Noctis's glove back on to hide the cut. 'Probably best not to tell Ignis about that, though. He'll freak out.'

Noctis managed a small smile. 'Yeah. Thanks, Prom.'

'Anytime,' Prompto said.

'There you are. Was getting ready to yell at you again for running off alone,' Gladiolus said, jogging over to where they were sat. 'Now I can't yell at you.'

'Sorry, I stole him for a bit since you were taking so long. Did you get my chocolate?' Prompto asked.

'Yep. Ignis was complaining the whole time about wasting gil, but I pointed out that it was worth the money to shut you up for five minutes.'

'Oi, that's so cruel, man. I wouldn't take a cheap shot like that at you.'

'No, because you can never come up with something fast enough,' Gladiolus teased.

'I…resent that,' Prompto said. 'I also resent that it's true.'

'Bet you do. Come on, break time's over. Tenebrae is waiting for us and we're not getting there any faster by sitting around.'

For the first time Noctis found himself sitting next to Prompto in the back, while the two older men rode in the front, discussing plans. Though he still felt silly, Noctis felt a lot more relaxed around Prompto now that his friend knew what he had done. It was as if they shared a secret. He rested against Prompto's shoulder and watched the world rush by out of the window, until he was sure Ignis and Gladiolus were deep in conversation and not paying attention to them.

'You don't really speak much about your father,' Noctis said. 'What happened to him?'

Prompto hadn't been expecting that line of conversation at all, and it took him a few seconds to figure out what to say. 'Well, not much to tell, really. When my mum died he just fell to pieces. I…well, you know how I coped. But he just didn't get better. He started drinking a lot, then he started taking things to try and block out the pain, I guess.'

'Did it help him?'

'For a bit, I guess. You could always tell when he was high, and he seemed happy. But the comedown was awful. He'd get paranoid and angry and then he'd burst into tears for no reason. He kept needing more and more of the drugs to keep himself happy for longer. And he didn't have the money for it, so he started stealing stuff to pay for the habit, and that was when he got caught and locked up. I ended up being taken in by family in Lucis where I met you and the rest is history.'

Noctis nodded, and though he was sad that Prompto had technically lost both parents, he was glad that his friend had wound up in Lucis. He couldn't imagine life without Prompto. 'What did he take?'

'Whatever he could get his hands on,' Prompto said with a snort. 'Started off with crack, then heroin. He used to shoot up. Eventually he wanted coke and that was expensive. That was when he started his brief career in burglary.'

'How did he shoot it? The coke,' Noctis said.

Prompto paused, and for a second Noctis was scared he was asking too much. In fact why the hell was he even asking these questions? But Prompto wasn't analysing him, but rather deep in thought trying to remember.

'He used to spend ages preparing it. Something about street drugs needing purification. He'd heat it up. And I remember him measuring it out on a spoon and mixing with water before he injected. I hated it. I hated everything about it, and I should have done something more to stop him.'

Noctis took Prompto's hand and squeezed it. 'You did everything you could. You were only a kid.'

'Yeah but…I don't know. It's always easy to look back with hindsight. You're right, there probably wasn't anything I could have done. Just glad I got out of there, could have so easily followed in his footsteps.'

Noctis smiled at him. 'I'm glad you're with us. You belong with us.'

Prompto returned the smile, and tightened the arm around Noctis's shoulders. 'Thanks. I'd never felt like I belonged anywhere until I met you guys. You might be an ass to ninety-nine percent of the people you meet, but to those that know you you're amazing. You know that, right? You made me feel like I was worth something.'

'I did that?'

Prompto laughed. 'Yeah. You did.'

Noctis filed that thought away in the back of his mind. It was a nice thought. Maybe it could help him next time he was having a bout of depression.

-

It had happened. Sooner than Ignis would have liked, but he had been preparing for the moment ever since they'd left the crown city. Idola was too careful and too paranoid to simply accept that Noctis was dead without seeing a body, and now that the Niflheim army had finished sifting through the debris and found no trace of the prince, Idola had begun sending out troops to search for him. The sky had been buzzing with airships all day, but it was only when they'd settled down and made a camp on the outskirts of a bustling town that they'd encountered problems. A patrol vehicle had spotted them from the road, and as he sat in the camping chair finishing off his cup of coffee Ignis could see the vehicle approaching with speed. They were officially screwed; no doubt the soldiers had communicated their location and what they had found. Now Idola knew for certain that Noctis was alive. Things were about to get a lot more difficult.

'I hate to ruin dinner, but we have some uninvited guests,' Ignis said, rising to his feet and setting his cup down.

Gladiolus had spotted them too and was already on his feet. 'Damn, wasn't expecting them so soon.'

'What? Who? What?' Prompto asked, getting to his feet and fumbling for his gun.

'The imperial army. Trained soldiers, not just drones. This could get messy,' Ignis said with a reluctant sigh. 'Highness, perhaps you should sit this one out.'

'No,' Noctis said firmly, standing beside them and materialising a sword in his hands. 'Gladiolus trained me to fight, I can help. I'm not just going to sit around and let you guys have all the glory.'

'He can fight in my place?' Prompto suggested nervously. 'I think I have an allergy to fighting people born and bred to kill.'

'Prom, suck it up,' Gladiolus said as the vehicle swerved to a stop and half a dozen soldiers leaped out, all brandishing various weapons of choice. 'Hang back and pick them off with bullets, alright?'

'Got it,' Prompto said, raising his gun and suddenly finding a lot more courage now that he was plunged in the midst of battle.

Noctis himself was having a good day. He had woken that morning and braved rechecking the cut on his arm. It was shallower than he'd thought, and wouldn’t even scar. After his conversation with Prompto he was feeling a bit better, certainly better enough to join his friends in battle. His fighting style was a bit unique; when Gladiolus had realised he was never going to be tall and muscle bound his friend had instead helped him refine his speed and agility. What he lacked in strength he made up for in unpredictability and the ability to materialise a range of weapons at a moment's notice. His prey never knew what hit them. He was on top form today, dodging bullets and slashes from swords, and even the thrust of a spear. He flipped away from that attack, then warped forward to drive his sword forcefully through the soldier and cut him down. He was about to select another weapon when he heard Prompto's cry of pain from behind him, and his blood ran cold.

'Prom! Hold on, I'll be there is a sec,' Gladiolus called out, but he was busy with a particularly difficult soldier, and Ignis was backed up against the patrol vehicle with another.

Noctis ran for his fallen friend, skidding to his knees where Prompto lay curled on the grass clutching his shoulder, which was bleeding freely. 'It's okay, I'm here,' Noctis soothed, lifting Prompto up a little from the grass and resting the blond head in his lap.

Prompto whimpered at the movement, but didn't complain. His eyes were squeezed shut against the pain.

Touching his fingertips gently to the wound Noctis closed his eyes and drew power from the crystal. The warm healing light flooded through him, down his hand and into Prompto, knitting the wound together and soothing the pain. Noctis opened his eyes to watch his friend heal, making sure that everything was going smoothly. Prompto's face was pale, and his whole arm was coated in blood. He looked so frail and hurt, Noctis just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. The fear that had started to fade returned full force as he watched Prompto's pale face begin to soften again as the pain receded. This time he'd been lucky, but what about next time? What if Noctis was too late or couldn't heal him? He hadn't noticed he was shaking until Gladiolus's large hand pressed against his shoulder.

'Well done, highness,' the older man murmured.

'Y-yeah…' Noctis said, not feeling that it was a job well done at all. His friend had got hurt. All because of him. If he hadn't been on the run the army wouldn't be after them and Prompto wouldn’t have to fight…he felt sick as Gladiolus took the blond man from his arms and carried him over to the camp. He stayed knelt in the grass, looking at the crimson blood staining his hands. He forced himself to remember that. To remember all the blood that was on his hands from the servants at the palace who had been slaughtered in his name, the citizens of Lucis that died in the invasion he couldn't prevent to the father he had been unable to protect. The weight of it all came crashing down upon him and suddenly he felt cold and scared. He wrapped his arms around his chest, letting his nails dig in to the flesh of his upper arms. The pain was good. The pain helped him cope. The pain gave him some sort of weird, twisted forgiveness.

'Highness?' Ignis asked, crouching down next to him. 'Are you hurt?'

'No,' Noctis half lied. He wasn't hurt like Prompto, but he could feel his mind shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. And a potion wouldn't fix that.

Gladiolus and Ignis busied themselves settling Prompto down on a futon in the bed, and checking that he was okay. The blond had lost a bit of blood and was pretty weak and shaken from his ordeal. While that made Noctis feel guilty, it also gave him a few moments alone outside the tent. He was able to chuck the rest of his dinner away without anyone noticing what he'd done, his appetite had dropped to zero after seeing his friend hurt. Then he sat in his chair and stared at the crackling flames of the fire as he listened to the muffled voices from the tent. The fire was inviting, almost mesmerising as it danced in the dying light of the day.

 _It's your fault he's hurt._ A voice in the back of his head hissed nastily.

And it was. Prompto wasn't a trained fighter. He had had sessions with Gladiolus, but it wasn't fair to expect him to go up against the Niflheim army.

 _What are you going to do about it?_ The voice asked.

What could he do? He'd healed Prompto. The wound would fade, the pain was probably already gone for the most part. But the scar would remain. Noctis would always be reminded by a pale silvery scar on Prompto's shoulder that his friend was marred because of him. One pain deserved another, right? Wasn't that how he should make it better? He didn't have the needle this time to drag across his skin, but flames hurt, didn't they?

He glanced over his shoulder to the tent. In the glow of the firelight he could see two dark figures crouched over a lump. They were still deep in conversation. He had time. Slowly he peeled off his glove and set it on his chair then he crawled forward toward the fire. The heat was intense as he knelt right next to the flames, the scent of smoke and burning wood thick in the air. Slowly he reached out his left hand to it, then pulled back as the flames snapped at him.

_Are you scared? Don't you think Prompto was scared when that soldier almost sliced him in half?_

'Shut up…' Noctis muttered, then realised he was telling himself to shut up. The voice was part of him; the rational part that could see things for what they were.

Taking a deep breath Noctis thrust his hand out again, biting back a wince as the heat caught his skin. He forced himself to keep his hand outstretched as the flames licked his palm, and the skin burned and blistered. It was so hot, white hot pain that ran right the way through his arm. He managed another second before he had to pull his hand back, and he cradled the damaged skin to his chest protectively as tears gathered in his eyes. He'd done it. He'd paid a fair price for getting Prompto hurt. But it felt empty, hollow. Nobody knew that he'd repented. What if they resented him for getting Prompto hurt? What if it wasn't enough? The pain was already starting to fade, no longer the intense hot agony. It stung badly, though, and when Noctis dared to look down at the damage he felt sick. The scent of cooked meat hung I the air and it made him light headed to realise that the scent was _him_.

He stumbled back to the chair and collapsed onto it, trying to calm his racing heart and stop himself from passing out. He needed to clean up. A bottle of water was tipped over the wound, and that helped a little. The damage was concentrated on the lower part of his palm; the skin was red and inflamed, with a blister already forming. He dug out a napkin from the bag by Ignis's chair and wrapped it around the wound. That really stung, and almost made him pass out as the tissue stuck to the burned skin. Gritting his teeth he slowly pulled his glove on, tugging it on a centimetre at a time to try and disturb the injury as less as possible. There. Done. And not a moment too soon as the tent flap parted and Gladiolus came out, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep lungful of countryside air.

'Is he okay?' Noctis asked fearfully.

'Huh? Oh yeah, he'll be fine. Bit shaken up, and he's a bit weak from blood loss. You healed him up nicely though, you did well getting to him so quickly. Ignis gave him something to help him sleep, and he'll get some rest in the car tomorrow. Let's just hope we don't come across any of their friends, eh?'

'Yeah. Hope not,' Noctis said, his hand throbbing painfully.

'Hey, you finished dinner without us? Heh, at least you've got your appetite back,' Gladiolus said with a grin, tipping his now cold meal and going over to the grill to get more.

Noctis could have smiled to himself. It was almost too easy to trick his friends, and that made him a little sad. But it also made him feel in control, and that was a good feeling. No matter how crazy the world got, he could control the things that he did to himself.

-

There was no relief with sleep. When he was asleep the nightmares came. He'd see Prompto's ashen face, splattered with blood from his wound. He saw his father lying dead in the audience chamber, ambushed by a man he'd thought was going to sign a treaty of peace between nations. He saw bodies lying crumpled in the streets of his kingdom, and servants that had cared for him since he was born stabbed or shot and left to bleed to death.

And when his mind had exhausted those images they'd create new ones. Present him with visions of things that could be. Of his three friends dead because of him. Shot. Stabbed. Decapitated. Crushed. Drowned. A million ways to die, and he saw them all. He saw their death masks of shock, he saw them fling themselves in front of him to protect him from harm.

He woke screaming.

'Noct?' Prompto asked sleepily, from beside him in the bed.

They were close to Tenebrae now, and had rented a hotel room for the night. After the fiasco with the camping they'd decided hotels were safer. They had a family room with two single beds and a double bed that the two smallest men had shared. It had made sense at the time, but with how badly Noctis had been sleeping recently now he felt fresh guilt for waking Prompto up.

'Sorry, it's nothing. Go back to sleep,' he whispered in the darkness.

'Kay,' Prompto said with a yawn, curling up at his back and snaking an arm around his waist. 'You're really skinny,' the blond muttered, too far asleep to realise the implications of what he was feeling.

Noctis was glad for that, he really didn't want to parry well-meaning questions about his health. He'd been doing well so far; he'd come up with ingenious ways to trick his friends into thinking he was okay. His nightmares often had him waking earlier than anyone else, and he'd go down to breakfast and wait for someone to leave before taking their table. When his friends finally joined him they'd see the empty plates and assume he'd already eaten. It had worked more than once, and he could often use the excuse that he had eaten enough at breakfast so wasn't hungry at lunch. He'd nibble away at dinner because he wasn't stupid enough to think he could survive without any food, but everything he ate these days just tasted bitter in his mouth. Like he wasn't worthy of it.

 _You're_ not _worthy of it_ , the voice in his head reminded him.

That night he was finding it hard to get back to sleep, though. Prompto was a warm weight at his back, and Gladiolus was snoring softly, and while those things were familiar comforts he realised that he was afraid to close his eyes. Afraid of the visions that would come to him when he fell asleep.

Slowly he detached himself from Prompto and slipped his boots on. If he wasn't going to sleep then perhaps some fresh air would do him good. He could imagine what his guardians would think of the idea, but he wanted to be alone for a bit. So he slipped out of the room quietly and hurried out of the hotel, into the coolness of the night.

This was a town he'd never been to before, and it would be far too easy to get lost so he stuck to the main roads. They were well lit enough that he was unlikely to get mugged, and there were plenty of people about anyway as they spilled from one nightclub to another. The air was pulsing with music, the beats from different venues competing for volume and blending together to form a cacophony of noise. It was nice, though, Noctis found that the thumping bass helped block out the thoughts in his mind. So he joined the queue of a club, and dug into his pocket for a little bit of gil that Ignis had given him. The bespectacled man had given each of them an allowance in case they got separated and needed taxi fare or phone money or something. Noctis was sure his friend hadn't intended him to use the money for this, but he didn't care. If he could stop thinking for a few minutes then it was worth the money.

Inside the music was deafening, almost enough to make his ears bleed. It was perfect. He briefly considered a drink, but he didn’t have much money left. Definitely not enough to get drunk on, so what was the point? Maybe another day. He wasn't much of a dancer, not through lack of ability but more that he hated people watching him. So he kept the shadows of the club, standing in the corner and just letting the music wash over him, forcing himself to concentrate on the beat and nothing else as he let himself relax for the first time in days.

'Someone as cute as you shouldn't be alone,' said a sweet voice.

Ugh. Just what he needed. Noctis opened his eyes and found himself staring into hazel eyes. The girl was average height, average attractiveness, average everything really. But she had the brightest smile, the sort that was infectious and made you think everything was going to be okay. She reminded him of Prompto, his best friend always had that effect on him. At least he used to; these days Noctis could barely look at the blond without thinking about the injury he'd sustained because of him.

'Are you alone, honey? I'm not going to have some girl come and claw my eyes out for talking to you, am I?' she asked with a little nervous laugh.

'No. I'm alone,' he said, wishing that he could be alone again.

'Well good. I'm not alone, but my friends dared me to come and talk to you, so…here I am.'

Noctis just nodded, and stared out across the groups of people trying to identify who her friends could be. There was a group around a table watching them intently and grinning. Had to be them. Noctis was about to turn back to the girl when he noticed what was on their table. Besides the obvious glasses and bottles, there was a small bag of white powder. And spoons.

'Not much of a talker, are you?' she said with that same laugh.

'No,' he said, still staring at the table. There were syringes too. They were shooting something. Noctis tried to remember what Prompto had said about his father, then pushed it aside and rejected it immediately. He had been stupid to come here at all. 'Sorry, I've got to go.'

'Leave? You just got here,' the girl said, clinging to his arm. 'Come on, come join us. You look so sad. Nobody should be sad on a Friday night. It's a time for partying!'

Was it Friday? Noctis had no idea, he hadn't been keeping track of the days. Not that it made much of a difference to him. But for some reason he didn't protest as the girl tugged him past people over to the table. A seat was found for him and people greeted him as if he were a long lost friend. They were a strange bunch; wild coloured hair, piercings, tattoos. But they had one thing in common; they were all amazingly happy and carefree. Once again Noctis's gaze fell to the paraphernalia laid out on the table amid the drinks.

'You, uh, you partake?' the girl from before asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

'No. I don't,' Noctis said.

'Smart man,' said a guy with dreadlocks. He had arms as thick as Gladiolus's, and a leather belt tied tightly around a massive bicep. His arm was dotted with puckered scars. 'My track marks,' the guys said with a grin.

Noctis looked away, as if he'd seen something personal.

'So what makes someone as adorable as you come into a club like this?' the girl asked, leaning over him and twirling a lock of his dark hair around her finger. She was wearing chipped acid green nail polish.

'A club like this?' he repeated dumbly.

'The Rose Thorn isn't somewhere you just come to dance and have a quiet drink, why do you think we have this stuff out in full view?' she said with a laugh.

Oh. _Oh_. He'd managed to stumble across that kind of club. Now he felt even more stupid, and the grins the people around the table gave him made him feel like an idiot. He couldn’t even do sulking on his own right. He gaze lingered once more on the syringes and he had to forcefully make himself stand up.

She grabbed his hand and tugged him back into his seat. 'Come on cutie, don’t leave us. You really look bummed out. We can help. Just a little tiny bit, you'll feel amazing.'

'Jez, don't push him,' dreadlocks guy said, giving her a dark look. 'You know it's never just one hit. The guy's probably new in town, didn't even realise what this place was. You want to corrupt someone that badly?'

'Nobody minded corrupting me,' she shot back, then turned her smile on Noctis again. 'Come on. Lay your arm down. I promise it won't hurt. 'Sides, if he's doing it with us then we know he's doing it safely. We've prepped the product, we know it's clean. We have fresh syringes. I can see the way he's looking at it, he _wants_ to do this. Better to do it with us than on his own and overdosing or something.'

The way he'd looked at it? How had he looked at it? Noctis wondered what this Jez could see in him. Had he really been looking that longingly at the drugs? Was he really that stupid? He could see the look of warning that Dreadlocks was giving him, and every cell in his body was screaming at him to take heed and walk away. But they all looked so happy. And if Jez was right he'd be safe doing it with them. For a few moments of happiness, of not having to feel the stress and fear…

He laid his arm out on the table.

Jez's grin lit up the room. She almost squealed in delight as she tied the tourniquet around the upper part of his arm, and prepped the solution into a clean syringe dragging the liquid up through a cotton wool ball. Noctis's heart was thumping against his chest; what was he doing? What was he playing at? He needed to get out of here now.

 _Running again?_ Asked the voice in his head.

He sat himself down again. If it shut up that damn voice in his head then he'd inject the whole damn bag. He looked away as Jez swabbed the crook of his elbow with something cold.

'Ooh, so pretty,' she said, running fingertips over the pale, smooth skin of his forearm. 'I remember when I looked as pure as this.'

Cautiously he glanced at her own arms. They were riddled with track marks and bruises. Would he get a mark from this? It was too late to ask, the needle was plunged into his skin with a sharp sting, and then there was a moment of coolness as the liquid spread within him, then nothing. He was dimly aware of the tourniquet - a necktie he noticed - being unwrapped from his arm, and the needle discarded. He looked down at the little red mark in his skin; a perfect puncture wound. It ached, like he'd been bruised, and he could see the red starting to spread.

'You're delicate, you'll bruise,' Jez said with a pout. 'Sorry, I tried to be gentle.'

'S'okay,' he said. And it was. He didn't care. He didn't care about _anything_.

'So. You never told me your name,' Jez said, leaning against him.

He was still aware of himself not to use his real name. Even high these people might make the connection. 'Prompto,' he lied.

'Prompto, huh?' she said with a chuckle. 'I like it. So, Prompto, how are you feeling now? And more relaxed?'

Noctis smiled. Actually smiled. It came so easily, the tension in his body was fading by the second. And he didn't even think about death and those that dark feelings. He couldn't even hear that horrible voice in the back of his mind. 'Yeah. Yeah I am.'

'Good. Dance with me?' she asked, getting up from her chair and holding out a hand.

To his surprise he was only too happy to accept. He didn't care that people would watch him, that they'd potentially see him making a fool of himself. He just pressed up close to Jez and drank in her smell. Everything was amplified a hundred times over, everything was a million times better. The sounds, the colours. 'This is amazing,' he said. 'I feel so much lighter. So much…I don't know, but I haven't felt this way in a long time. I've been so damn depressed, so uptight. This is crazy, just one little injection and…wow. Amazing,' he repeated, speaking quickly and animatedly.

Jez laughed. 'I like you better like this. You're more fun.'

He laughed along with her, feeling the fantastic rush within him as he spun her around and danced out of time to the pounding beat. For nearly half an hour he just lost himself in the music, the good feelings, the atmosphere. Nothing mattered. Nothing could hurt him.

And then it stopped.

It was as if he was suddenly thrust back into his own body, everything was too loud, too bright. He stumbled away from Jez and she was looking as rough as he felt.

'That's the problem, it's not a permanent fix unfortunately,' she said, leading him back over to the table. 'But for a little bit you can just be free. That's worth it, right?'

Noctis didn't say anything. He was trembling, felt sick, and panicking. What had he been doing? What would Ignis and Gladiolus say if they knew what he'd done?

 _You screwed up again. Well done, you're on a roll._ The voice taunted him.

Noctis swallowed hard and stood up on shaky legs. 'I have to go.'

'Wait wait,' Jez said, grabbing his hand. 'You'll be back?'

They'd be gone by the morning and Noctis was sure he'd never come back to this town. 'No. I'm done.'

She pouted and let go of his hand. On instinct she made a grab for one of the white packs and held it out to him. 'Leaving gift to remember me by? You really do look more handsome when you're smiling. You deserve to smile, Prompto.'

Noctis felt sick that he'd taken his friend's name to use in this dangerous game. Prompto who knew too well the effects of drugs and how it destroyed people. Still, his gaze lingered on the pack being offered to him. Thirty minutes of relief. Had it been worth it? He swallowed hard and grabbed the pack, stuffing it into his pocket. 'Thank you.'

'Welcome, sweetie. Be careful, okay?'

'You too,' he said, and pushed past people to get out of the club. The fresh air hit him like a brick, and he had to hold on to the wall as he stumbled down the street.

The lights of a late night pharmacy blinded him as he stumbled inside. He wasn't sure what he was looking for really, as he browsed the shelves of potions and bandages. Then he realised why he was here. He couldn't find it on the shelf so he went to the counter where a bored young man sat watching him strangely.

'Uh, do you have…syringes?' Noctis asked.

The man narrowed his eyes. 'You just came from a club, right?'

'No?' Noctis lied.

'Get out. I'm not helping you get your fix.'

Offended, Noctis stormed out as best as he could while feeling that his legs were turning to jelly. Okay, that hadn't gone how he'd expected. But never mind. There would be other times he could ask, when he didn't look quite so obvious. It wasn't like he needed another hit right now. Right? With a shuddering breath he realised he wanted another. The half hour hadn't been enough, he wanted more.

But the sky was starting to lighten, his friends would be waking up soon and then what? What if they found him gone? What if they found him high? He couldn't risk that. He had to be careful. Slowly he made his way back to the hotel, only getting lost once, and slipped back into the bedroom. Everything was how he'd left it, his friends were sleeping peacefully. He removed his boots and crawled under the covers. Prompto stirred in his sleep and turned to him, snuggling up to his warmth. Noctis felt sick with guilt all over again, and wished he had a needle right now. He didn't deserve Prompto. He didn't deserve any of them.

 _That's right. You don't. And the longer they stay with you the more chance they'll die for you. Then how guilty will you feel? How much cocaine will you need to shoot to make_ that _feeling fade away?_

Noctis squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for a dreamless sleep.

-

He awoke to someone pressing a hand to his forehead. When he blinked his eyes open wearily Ignis's concerned gaze came into view. But everything was blurry, and his brain felt sluggish and slow.

'Are you well, my prince?' Ignis asked in a soft voice. Though it was barely above a whisper it felt as if he were shouting.

'I…feel a bit rough,' Noctis admitted. Understatement of the century, his body felt like lead.

'You were shivering,' Prompto said from behind him, sat cross legged on the bed and watching him with concern. 'Maybe you're coming down with something?'

'You are a little warm,' Ignis conceded, drawing his hand back. 'Would you like to lay in? We can bring you something back for breakfast and then you can rest in the car.'

'Yeah. Yeah, want to sleep,' Noctis said, his voice sounding thick with exhaustion.

'Very well. We won't be long,' Ignis promised.

Then the three of them were gone and he was all alone in the hotel room. He turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He had no intention of going back to sleep, but there wasn't enough time to hit another pharmacy to try and get needles. He mentally slapped himself; he'd only just woken up and already he was thinking of _that?_ With a scowl he sat himself up and looked at his arm. The puncture wound was still clearly visible, and there was a bruise around it, dark against the paleness of his skin. He couldn't stop staring; somewhere between disgust and morbid fascination.

The little packet was safe in his pocket, he made sure the pocket was zipped up so it couldn't fall out. Then he went about digging through the bag they used for luggage. They'd bought a couple of items of clothing to change into along the way, but there wasn't much to choose from. He selected a long sleeved black jacket, and slipped it over his shoulders to hide the mark on his arm. He frowned; had he picked up something of Ignis's? He pulled the jacket to check the label, but it was his size. Strange, it felt really roomy.

He was cold, so he went back to bed, soaking up the residual warmth Prompto had left behind. Perhaps he dozed, because the next thing he knew he could hear voices in the room. He kept his eyes closed, pretending to be sleeping.

'Maybe he's sick?' Prompto was saying. 'He was shaking like he was cold when I woke up.'

'He wasn't hot enough for a fever, I'm not sure why he was cold,' Ignis said.

'Not surprised he's cold, really. Look at him. He was skinny before but now there's not an ounce of fat on him. I think he's taking all of this harder than we thought,' Gladiolus said.

Noctis tensed. They couldn't know, right? They'd been asleep last night. He felt the bed dip as someone sat next to him, and then there was a hand in his hair, smoothing it down. The touch was nice, but it made him feel a rush of guilt. These people were in danger because of him.

'If we start now we'll be in Tenebrae by tonight,' Ignis said. His voice was closer now, it was him on the bed. 'It will be a long day of driving but I'll be happier once we're not on the road anymore. And I think the prince needs a bit of stability, perhaps once we're safe in Tenebrae he can relax.'

'Tenebrae it is, then,' Gladiolus said. 'Shall I carry him to the car? Doesn't seem much point waking him to make him walk a few steps.'

'Please,' Ignis said, and then the hand in his hair was gone and the bed shifted again.

He didn't bother to let them know he was awake, instead he allowed himself to be carried out to the car, and soon the hum of the engine and the casual chatter of his friends lulled him to sleep.

When the car stopped Noctis found himself waking up. It was getting harder to sleep anymore. They were at a petrol station, he noticed, and Ignis was already getting out to fill the Regalia up. Gladiolus had been about to get out of the car, but noticed he was awake and grinned.

'Hey there sleeping beauty.'

Noctis frowned. 'You guys were going to leave me in here?'

Gladiolus and Prompto exchanged quick glances. 'Well, you looked like you could use the sleep,' Prompto explained.

That was new. Whenever they stopped for a break they'd always tried to wake him, to get him to stretch his legs a little and eat something. He forced himself a bit more awake and got out of the car to join them.

The station had chocobo rentals, so Prompto wandered over to go and see them and get in a few photos of the birds. Gladiolus headed straight for the bathroom, Ignis was filling up petrol. The idea came to him as fast as lightning, and Noctis headed into the shop quickly, scanning the shelves. Not there. Why did they hide them? Frustrated he sidled up to the counter as naturally as he could.

'Uh, do you do medical supplies?'

'Sure,' the girl said with a smile. 'What do you need?'

'Syringes and cotton wool,' he said, trying to act natural. He noticed the hesitation in her eyes. He needed to think of a story. 'My friend is diabetic, we're on the road and he's run out. Need something sugary too for him,' he said, adding to the lie by grabbing the nearest chocolate bar from the shelf.

The girl gave a little "ahh" of understanding, and rummaged on the shelves behind her. She held up pack of ten syringes. 'These do?'

'Perfect,' he said quickly, wanting to get this over with before one of his friends came in. 'How much?'

'Twenty gil for those and the chocolate.'

'Excellent,' he dug into his pocket for the last of the money Ignis had given him. His hand brushed the little plastic packet and his heart sped up.

He had the syringes, little pack of cotton wool and chocolate in his pocket just as Gladiolus left the bathroom and shot him a grin. 'I'm not going to miss this, you know? Love you guys to death but being on the road like this is getting old really fast.'

 _He wouldn't be on the run like this if he wasn't tied to your stupid royal family_.

Noctis felt the now familiar knot of guilt tighten in his stomach. 'We'll be in Tenebrae by tonight,' he muttered.

Gladiolus gave him an odd look, then ruffled his hair. 'Course we will. You feeling any better?'

'Much,' Noctis said. And he was. He felt calmer knowing he had the means to make himself feel better now.

Ignis entered the station and went straight to the counter to pay for the petrol. He frowned down at his wallet. 'That's the last of our funds. I hope you both ate enough at breakfast, we have exactly zero gil left for lunch or dinner. Hopefully the embassy will provide us with a meal tonight.'

The girl at the checkout paled. 'Oh no, that's dangerous! You have to think of your blood sugar levels.'

Ignis blinked in confusion. 'Thank you, but I'm sure we'll manage.'

'No no, on the house,' she said, handing over some ready meals. Then she smiled at Noctis, who felt his cheeks burning.

Before Ignis could question him he made his excuses and ran for the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

The voice in the back of his head was in hysterics: _You can't even lie without screwing things up! Pathetic._

'Shut up, shut up,' Noctis muttered, going over to the sink and splashing cold water on his face. He looked in the mirror and almost gasped. The man staring back looked nothing like him. No wonder his friends thought he was sick. His eyes had dark circles under them, more pronounced by the fact he was paler than he'd ever looked in his life. And his cheeks were hollow and shadowed. He almost didn't recognise himself.

_And just think, they almost didn't get to eat today because of you, too. You're supposed to be rich and powerful, but now you have nothing. Not even two gil to rub together. How the mighty fall._

Noctis took a deep shaky breath and stared at himself again. The voice was right; he was nothing now. What if Tenebrae wouldn't help them? What if Tenebrae was in league with Niflheim now, and shot them all on the spot? Panic seized him, and he slid to the floor shivering. Why was he so scared all of the time? How was he supposed to be brave? He wanted to. Etro he wanted to be brave for his friends. But it was just so hard. So much had happened, too much.

He had the packet out of his pocket before he had time to talk himself out of it. He removed his belt and tied it around his arm then with shaky hands he tipped a little of the powder into his palm. He didn't have a spoon or container, so this would have to do. He needed to calm down, and this was the best way. He dribbled some water from the tap into his hand and watched the powder vanish. Awkwardly he ripped the pack of syringes open with his teeth and pulled one free.

Then he hesitated. The familiar fears ran through him; what if he was caught? What if he shot too much? But then he thought about how good it had felt in the club. How free he'd felt. He drew up some of the drug through a little bit of cotton wool and plunged it into his vein before he could talk himself out of it again. The effects were almost instant, his body relaxed and he felt happiness spread within him. He was okay. Everything was okay. They'd get to Tenebrae and everything would be fine. Not much longer now. Carefully he gathered up the remaining drug and needles, then replaced his belt and actually used the bathroom.

His friends were waiting in the car, and he gave them a quick smile as he joined them.

Yes. Everything was going to be okay.

'Love this song, turn it up,' Noctis said, leaning through the gap in the seats and pushing past Prompto to find the volume control for the radio. Suddenly music blared out and he sat back in his seat, dancing away and singing the words along with the vocalist. He got more words wrong than right, but that didn't deter him.

'Well someone's in a good mood,' Prompto said with a laugh, discreetly reaching over to turn it down a touch. He hadn't missed the way Ignis's hands had tightened on the steering wheel.

'Gladio, Gladio,' Noctis said, crawling across the seats to his friend. 'Sing with me. Come on! I'm too hot~'

'Hot damn,' Gladiolus said, halfway between amused and concerned. He'd never seen the prince so energetic and carefree. He was usually pretty shy and restrained, singing at the top of his lungs like this was definitely odd behaviour. But it was better than the moping around he'd been doing since Insomnia's invasion.

'I'm too hot!' Noctis sang again, lifting himself up and sitting on the back of the car seat, feeling the breeze against his skin. Damn it was good to have a convertible.

'Highness! Sit down,' Ignis hissed.

Noctis laughed. 'Why? It's nice up here. I'm flying, like a bird,' he said, spreading his arms wide and closing his eyes. It really was like flying, the wind rushed against him and it was if he was weightless. Someone grabbed him and pulled him down into his seat.

Gladiolus wasn't smiling anymore. 'What has gotten into you?' he grumbled, snapping the seatbelt across Noctis' chest.

The silence in the car was palpable, nobody seemed to want to say anything. Which was annoying, because Noctis wanted to talk. He wanted to have fun. These people were his best friends, he wanted to enjoy every second they had with each other, because you never knew when it was going to be snatched away. They could all end up dead before ever reaching Tenebrae. That thought sobered Noctis, and he sat quietly in his corner of the car as his good mood drained away. He was shivering again, he noticed belatedly, and he could hear his heart beat pounding away wildly.

_Yes that's right. You could lose them. These people that love you could all be gone, just like your father. All it takes in a moment of distraction. A bullet to the skull, that took care of your father. You thought he was indestructible, didn't you? Well he wasn't. Everybody dies, Noctis, even your friends. Especially your friends, because let's face it looking after you practically comes with a death sentence._

Noctis swallowed hard and drew his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself to try and block it all out. The voice was back. The light of the dead was back, and this time it felt a hundred times worse. Everything was screaming at him, dragging him down. It felt like he was drowning in dark, icy water and he had no idea how to break the surface.

'Can someone turn the radio down?' he asked in a tiny voice.

-

Somewhere along the line Noctis had forgotten that Ignis was from Tenebrae. But as they walked through the streets of the capital city the familiar thick accent of his advisor was all around them. Noctis glanced up at Ignis and wondered if he wanted to go and visit anyone. Any family he may have had there. The bespectacled man rarely ever talked about his family, and Noctis got the feeling they didn't speak much.

They headed straight for the Lucis embassy and as soon as they entered everybody inside stopped what they were doing to stare at the little group. A man came running over, and paused wide-eyed in front of Noctis.

'H-highness? It can't be true…'

Ignis spoke for him. 'We were able to escape the invasion, we've travelled to Tenebrae in the hopes that our sister nation would offer protection for the crown prince, and assistance in reclaiming the kingdom of Lucis for its rightful heir and to eliminate the threat that Niflheim possesses to both our nations.'

The man nodded, but he was clearly still surprised at having his assumed dead prince walk through the doors.

'We're sorry about Lunafreya, too. You might want to tell the king of Tenebrae that when you talk to him,' Noctis said, a new flash of guilt as he thought of the poor blonde girl that had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The man looked up, confused. 'You haven't heard? Lady Fleuret turned up in Accordo this morning, alive and well.'

'Lady Fleuret is alive too?' Ignis asked, then smiled. 'Well well, Idola must be very frustrated.'

'We need to find her,' Noctis said, turning to Ignis. 'She might be able to help us. She has Etro's gift too, with her we can destroy Niflheim.'

Ignis sighed, and Noctis suddenly noticed how exhausted his friend looked. A knife to the gut; he had been so self absorbed he hadn't realised how his friends had been feeling during this journey. They'd lost their homes and friends too.

'It makes sense to find her, and talk to her about what happened. Perhaps she'll know more about Niflheim and their intentions,' Ignis said. 'But I recommend we stay the night here to rest. We'll also require supplies and money, we're running low I'm afraid.'

The man from the embassy nodded. 'Of course. Anything to help the prince.'

For the first time in a week Noctis had his own room. And he found that he wasn't happy about it. He sat down on the huge four poster bed draped in the dark national colours of his kingdom, and all he felt was loneliness. His friends were staying in similar rooms in the same corridor, but with how big and airy the place was they might as well have been a million miles away.

He collapsed back on the bed, staring up at the canopy. Tomorrow they'd be back on the road, but at least they'd be better supplied. And at least now they had the beginnings of a plan. Lunafreya wasn't exactly a warrior, but she had magic and could see the light. Combined with his abilities perhaps there was something they could do. Or perhaps she had more information on Idola. There were lots of ifs and no concrete answers, and that was frustrating.

More frustrating was that they were going to have to go back on the road again. They'd been attacked a few more times by soldiers, but the battles had been brief. Now that Lunafreya had emerged in Accordo, though, Idola would probably be sending troops to retrieve her. He'd need somebody to help him harness the power of the crystal.

That thought made him pause; Idola hadn't used the crystal yet. He was sure of that; he have felt it if the crystal had been activated. Which meant that Idola truly had no idea what he was doing with it. The thought made Noctis smile a little, and he crawled up the bed and lay himself down against the too-soft pillows, missing the warmth of Prompto at his back.

He should have realised that things were starting to go too well. Fate clearly didn't like him starting to feel happy again, so she sent him the worst nightmare he'd ever had.

The dream was so vivid that he could smell the stench of fire and death in the air. He was standing in Altissa, Accord's capital, and people were running past him screaming. Bombs were falling all around; crashes that tore down buildings and shook the earth under his feet. Airships clogged the skies, dropping Niflheim drones to carry out the destruction, gunning people down in the streets.

There were six figures on the ground in front of him, all lying on their backs and staring up at the sky. He walked over to them, his footsteps soundless on the beautiful paved floor. The first figure was Cor Leonis, his father's personal bodyguard. The man had been shot in the chest multiple times, his dark t-shirt wet with drying blood. His face was solemn even in death, and Noctis remembered the way he used to frown in disapproval whenever Noctis climbed up a tree, or broke his curfew and came home late. But then there were the times Cor had lifted him up to reach his frisbee from a branch in the tree, and the time he had carried him home after he'd fallen and scraped his knees. Now the man was dead, his cold grey stare lifeless.

The second figure made the tears sting in his eyes; his father looked so peaceful in death, and apart from the shot in his forehead he could trick himself into thinking the man was alive. There were no other marks on him, and when Noctis bent down to gently touch his cheek the skin was still warm.

'I'm sorry I couldn't protect you…' Noctis whispered. But his father didn't answer. Would never answer again. Would never be able to give him advice, or share moments of joy and sadness. That had all been stolen from them.

Luna was next to him, her amethyst eyes staring up unblinking and her pale blonde hair blowing around her in the breeze. It had come free from its customary braid and was splattered red with blood from the gaping wound across her neck. When he'd been small she had been one of his first friends, by trying to break him out of his shell and teaching him to have fun. He reached forward and closed her eyes gently, letting her rest peacefully.

The coppery scent of blood still lingered from her as he moved over to the final three figures. He swallowed hard, and wished he could turn away because he wanted to stop seeing this. He needed to stop seeing this. The three men that meant more to him than his own life were lying dead; battered and bruised and bleeding from a myriad of gunshots and sword slices.

Ignis's head was battered in on one side, his glasses bent and cracked. Noctis gently ran a hand through his blood soaked hair, and removed the twisted metal frames. His friend still looked grotesque, but at least he'd be more comfortable without the metal digging in.

Gladiolus had been shot; once through the shoulder, another glanced off his neck and then finally three in the chest. None had caught anything vital so he'd probably bled out from the multiple wounds. Where had Noctis been, he wondered? Why hadn't he rushed over and healed him? Why had he let any of them die?

Prompto's face was purple, and his thin neck was marred with hand shaped dark bruises. Noctis wanted to wring the neck of whoever had done it, but again guilt filled him; why hadn't he intervened and stopped this happening? Where had he been? Why had he allowed all the people that he cared about to die?

He pushed himself to his feet, staggering back a few steps. He wanted to throw up. He needed to get away. It was all too much. Way too much. Losing all of them would end him, he knew it would. Without them it all meant nothing. He didn't want to be king without his friends and family. He didn't want to _live_ without his friends and family.

There was blood on his hands as he ran through the streets of Altissa. _Their_ blood. His doing. He let them die. If it wasn’t for him they'd be alive. If it wasn't for him everything would be as it should be.

He woke up drenched in sweat and gasping for breath.

It didn't take him long to find what he needed; the needle, the bag of snow white powder. There was a little tea set on the desk and he snatched up the spoon to dissolve some of the cocaine into water. While he waited for that he tied a shirt around his upper arm, and then plunged the syringe into the mixture through the cotton wool filter and shot it into a vein.

He was using the right arm again; his left still stung from the burn he'd given himself, and Jez had injected his right arm first. It made sense to keep the same arm, it was easy to find the vein there anyway. Just look for the little marks that pinpointed where he'd been previously. Little bruises, little red marks. Oh god what would he do in the summer if they were still there? How long did they last for? How could he cover them up?

The fear of that faded quickly as the drug entered his bloodstream, and he was left with a relaxed happy feeling as he leaned against the bed. The dark colours of the bed linen were familiar and nice, and he stroked the soft fabric gently. Yes. Nice.

Someone knocked at the door.

Without panic Noctis carefully gathered up his things and slid them under the bed, then rose to answer the door. He was swaying slightly, but he didn't care. He could sway if he felt like it, he was a prince.

'Morning,' Prompto greeted once the door was open.

'Hey,' Noctis said, matching Prompto's smile. Prompto had such a pretty smile.

'Ignis is talking with the embassy people, Gladiolus has hit the gym, thought maybe we could hang out for a bit? I'm bored.'

Noctis blinked, then looked over at the clock. It was nine in the morning. Wow, where had the night gone? Had he slept all that time? The memory of Prompto lying dead in Altissa passed briefly in front of his eyes, but was gone as soon as it came. Noctis smiled and let him in. 'Sure.'

Prompto entered the room after giving him an odd look, then sat down on his bed. 'Ahhh, yours is way more comfy than mine.'

'Really?' Noctis asked, sitting next to Prompto and bouncing on the mattress.

'Nah, they're exactly the same,' Prompto said. 'I was just trying to make you feel guilty.'

Any other day that might have even worked, but right now he was too happy to care about anything. He showed his happiness by leaning against his friend and resting his head on Prompto's shoulder. 'Why don't we stay here where its safe?'

'In Tenebrae?' Prompto asked, looking down at him. 'Why would we want to stay here? There's nothing here for us. Don’t you want to go and kick Idola's butt?'

'Maybe,' Noctis said dreamily. 'But I'd miss you.'

'Miss me? Noct, what are you talking about?'

'I dreamed of you,' Noctis said, missing the concerned tone in his friend's voice. 'I dreamed of you and Ignis and Gladiolus. And Luna and Cor. And…and my father. You were all in Altissa and you were all dead. I let you all die. I don't want you to die, Prom. I couldn't live with myself if you died for me.'

'Hey, hey I'm not gonna die, okay?' Prompto said, sliding an arm around his shoulders. 'I have no plans on dying anytime soon. Don't cry, please don't cry Noct.'

Cry? He wasn't…oh shit. He was crying. When had that happened? And why was it happening? The coke was supposed to make him happy, not sad. But tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was clinging to Prompto desperately. 'Please don't go. Please don't die,' he begged.

'I'm not…Noct I'm not going anywhere, okay?' Prompto said, alarmed.

'But I saw it. I saw you dead, you were dead Prom and I couldn't stop it,' Noctis continued, wishing he could stop. Why weren't the drugs working? What had he done wrong? Maybe he hadn't done enough. That had to be it, he needed more.

'Shh, it's okay Noct,' Prompto said, rocking him gently back and forth and rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles. 'It's okay. I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere.'

Finally Noctis's body stopped its sobbing, and he went limp against Prompto's side. The blond sighed and shifted him onto his bed, tucking the blankets around him. Even in sleep Noctis looked tormented, his face pulled into a frown. Prompto wished he could take the demons away and let his friend sleep undisturbed, but he didn't have that power. Instead he lay down beside him and held him tight. Noctis was shivering again.

-

They were going to Altissa. They'd ended up staying two nights in Tenebrae, after receiving communication from Lunafreya saying that she had information and needed to speak with them. But the Regalia had needed tuning up, and they had needed rest from their long journey. Now they were driving back the way they had come, this time with a firm plan in place.

Noctis was leaning against the window, not really taking in the world that sped past before his eyes. His arm was sore, and it was bugging him. His nails kept reaching up his sleeve to scratch, and had started coming away bloody. That morning he'd noticed a horrible scab around one of his needle sites, and he had a sinking feeling something was infected. How he was going to get that fixed he had no idea; he couldn't exactly tell Ignis, and if he asked to stop off and see a healer they'd want to know why. No, he'd just have to suck it up and hope it went away by itself.

That wasn't his only drug related problem, though; he was nearly out. The little bag had only a trace of powder left in it, enough for maybe one more mild hit if he was lucky. Barely worth wasting a needle on. He needed to get more, so he spent the entire day plotting ways of getting away from his friends in the next town and finding someone to buy from.

As it turned out his plan wasn't required. Ignis and Gladiolus took one room, and left him and Prompto in another. As soon as the lights went out Noctis pretended to fall asleep, and waited until he could hear the deep, even breathing of his friend. Then he simply slipped out of bed and left the room. Too easy. He congratulated himself as he sneaked out of the hotel and followed the lights and sounds to the centre of the town, that seemed to be where dealers usually hung out. Where the club life was. He didn't want to waste money entering a club, he wanted to make sure he had enough to buy the coke, so instead he hung around outside, loitering and glancing into the faces of anyone that passed by, hoping they'd realise what he was there for.

After an hour of freezing himself solid, a bouncer came over to him.

'Get lost, kid.'

'I'm waiting for someone,' Noctis said.

'Sure you are,' the bouncer said, glancing him up and down. 'New in town?'

Noctis nodded.

The bouncer sighed deeply, then looked over his shoulder. 'Head for Bennies, around the corner and down the street. Ask for Fai.'

'Thank you,' Noctis whispered, and hurried off in the direction the bouncer had indicated. He could see the blinking red sign for Bennies Night club, and he hovered by the door where several people were crowded. Raw need overpowering his shyness he walked up to a woman. 'Do you know where I can find Fai?'

She stared at him for a long moment, then jerked her head to the alley beside the club. 'Down there. He's about to close up shop, though, better hurry.'

Noctis hurried. There were two men in the alley, smoking something that didn't smell like cigarettes and laughing. They stopped as soon as they noticed Noctis, and the larger of the men stepped in front of the other.

'Can I help you?'

'Are you Fai?' Noctis asked.

'Whose asking?' the man said.

'…Prompto Argentum,' Noctis said, feeling an icy grip in his heart using his friend's name for this again.

The man watched him carefully, then tuned to the other man. 'What do you think?'

'Ah, let him through, he's just a kid,' the guy said, throwing down his cigarette and stamping it out with an expensive looking shoe. 'I'm Fai. And I'm guessing you're here to buy?'

Noctis nodded eagerly. 'Yeah. Coke.'

'Guy knows what he wants,' Fai said with a chuckle, then reached into a pocket inside his long dark coat. He held up a bag of white powder. 'One bag or two?'

Noctis thought about it. 'One,' he forced himself to say. Because this would be the last lot. Once he got to Altissa and everything settled down and his friends were safe he wouldn't need it anymore. He reached out for it but the bag was held out of his reach.

'Uh-uh, money first. I don't know you, Argentum, I don't give out favours.'

Noctis dug into his pocket and held out his fifty gil.

Fai looked up at him. 'That'll buy you the plastic bag.'

'Huh?' Noctis said, glancing down at the money. What was wrong with it? 'But…I need it.'

'And I need a Ferrari, life ain't fair,' Fai said, pocketing the drug again.

Noctis felt his heart leap into his throat; he couldn't do that! 'How much is it then?'

'Three hundred. You've got yourself an expensive habit there, my friend. Coke is the most expensive thing I sell.'

Noctis's heart was pounding and his mind was racing. He didn't have that kind of money on him, he hadn't thought that the drug would be that expensive. But he needed it and it was so close…the solution was simple. He just had to materialise a sword in his hand and kill the bodyguard first, then Fai, then search his pockets and…Noctis swallowed back bile. Was he seriously considering murdering two innocent people just because he wanted the drug? When had he got that desperate? He backed away, scared of himself more than anything.

'Hey, don't be like that,' Fai said, his angular face softening. 'Maybe we can come to some arrangement. You got anything of value?'

'Like what?' Noctis asked, still not trusting himself.

'Watch? Necklace? Ring?' Fai asked.

Ring. The ring his father had given him. Noctis's hand went to cover it up. He couldn't sell that for a bag of C, could he? Could he? No. No he wasn't that kind of person. But the watch he could live without. Solid gold, no emotional attachment. He handed it over and watched with bated breath as Fai checked it over.

'Deal,' the man said, digging the coke out again and tossing it over.

Noctis breathed a sigh of relief and stuffed it into his pocket. He turned to leave when the man called him back.

'Argentum, seriously that's an expensive one. Haven't you tried anything cheaper?'

'Like what?' Noctis asked. He wasn't intrigued. Definitely not. He was just being polite, taking an interest.

The man held up a little pack of tablets. 'These will give you a nice little buzz. Not quite the same as your classy powder friend there, but within your price range. Fifty gil for the pack, if you're interested.'

Noctis ran his tongue over his lower lip. He wanted to say he wasn't interested. He really did. Because he wasn't. Was he? They'd be easier to take; he could pop one in the car without anyone noticing if he was careful.

'I…'

'What the hell?' a voice rang out from the end of the alley. A horribly familiar voice. Noctis didn't dare turn around. 'Noct, what are you doing out here? With these people? And what the hell is that in his hand, are those pills?'

'Prom…' Noct said in a low voice. 'I know what I'm doing. Please go back.'

'Prom? As in Prompto Argentum?' Fai asked. Then laughed. 'Oh man, how pathetic. You used your friend's name as an alias?'

Noctis's stomach flipped.

'You…you what?' Prompto asked, his voice cracking. 'You told them you were me? What's going on? No, not here. You're coming back with me. And you should thank Etro that it was me that found you and not the others.'

Noctis cast a final longing glance at the pills in Fai's hand, then let himself be led out of the alley. Prompto's hand was firm on his upper arm as he marched him along the streets, and the blond said nothing as they entered the hotel, and went back to their room. As soon as Noctis was sat down on the bed, however, Prompto exploded.

'You do know what that guy was, right?'

Noctis said nothing.

'He was a drug dealer, Noctis. He was going to sell you pills that would screw with your head and make you someone that's not you anymore. You understand that, right?'

Noctis said nothing.

'Those things destroy you. They'd take you away from us and you wouldn't even care anymore, you'd be so screwed up. You really want that? Is life with us really so bad that you want to risk your life just to get a cheap thrill?'

Noctis said nothing.

'Was…was that the first time? Noct? Please tell me that was the first time. That you just went for a stroll and came across some creep who was trying to sell you something. And that you weren't really going to buy them.'

Noctis said nothing.

Prompto sat down beside him, and Noctis noticed that there were tears in his eyes. 'Noct, you know what happened to my dad, right? You know that these things destroyed him. I don't want that to happen to you. You mean everything to me, Noct, I can't watch you slip away from me.'

'I wasn't going to take the pills,' Noctis said. It wasn't exactly a lie; he'd gone there for the coke, not the pills.

Prompto stared into his eyes for a long time, trying to detect a lie. Finally he gathered Noctis up in a hug and held him tight. 'I really hope you're telling me the truth, Noct. Please don't be lying to me.'

_That's it, lie to him too. See how much they love you when they find out everything you've been hiding. You won't have to worry about protecting them anymore, they won't want to be anywhere near you._

Noctis felt sick as he reached up to hug Prompto back. 'I'm not lying. I swear.'

-

Yes, it was definitely infected, Noctis decided. They had stopped for lunch at a roadside café and his entire arm was sore and heavy. The skin by the abscess was red and warm, and there was a yellowy centre to the wound that didn't look healthy. It seemed to be getting worse rather than better, but what could he do? They were nowhere near a healer, and he didn’t have the first clue about healing these kind of things himself. He'd tried a little healing spell from the crystal and that had made it look slightly better for a few hours, but then it had just got worse again. He couldn't heal infections, just wounds.

With his arm stiff and sore he was unable to use it for the most part, so he ate his sandwich awkwardly one handed. Prompto had given him an odd look, but there was no way the gunner could know what was wrong, so Noctis wasn't too worried. When he dropped the sandwich, though, everybody was suddenly looking at him.

'Er, Noct?' Gladiolus said. 'What are you doing?'

'It jumped,' Noctis said, picking it up again.

He endured badly concealed looks of confusion from his friends for the rest of the meal, and was thankful when they finally started out again as it meant he could hide in his hoodie and pretend to be asleep. He was halfway to actually being asleep when the car skidded to a stop.

'Oh dear,' Ignis said.

'Oh crap, you mean,' Gladiolus said, leaning forward through the gap in the seats. He pulled back and tapped Noctis on the shoulder. 'Up and at 'em, highness, we've got company.'

Noctis blinked his eyes open and got out of the car with everyone else. He'd been expecting it really; the roads had been too quiet recently. Three Niflheim patrol cars were forming a blockade, and soldiers were heading toward them with weapons drawn.

'You ready?' Gladiolus asked.

'Born ready!' Prompto said, aiming his gun and rushing forward to start the fight off.

'Highness?' Ignis asked, sticking close to his side.

'I'm fine,' Noctis said instinctively.

'You need a weapon,' Ignis reminded him.

Oh. Yeah. Oops. He materialised a sword, but it looked strange, as if it was only half formed. He could see through it, and the sword barely had any weight to it. That made lifting it easier, but the damage it dealt was negligible. When it slammed into a soldier it dematerialised on impact.

'Highness?' Ignis questioned.

'I'm trying,' he said through gritted teeth, concentrating hard. He just needed a sword. Nothing fancy, just a solid sword. He felt something in his hand and sighed in relief when he found himself holding metal that actually looked like it might be able to slice something. He raced forward to help Ignis with the soldier he was fighting and went to lift the sword…only to cry out in pain and fall to his knees. His arm was on fire, the agony almost too much to bear. The sword vanished in a flourish of blue energy as he fought to stay conscious against the pain.

'Highness!' Ignis threw a knife directly into the face of a soldier then ran for the prince, lifting him from the floor and cradling him against his chest. 'Highness? What's wrong? Are you hurt?'

Noctis blinked up at his friend. 'I'm…' his throat was dry, so he swallowed. And promptly forgot what he had been asked. 'What?'

Ignis looked terrified, and Noctis felt bad for doing this to him. He wanted to assure the other man he was okay but he didn't have the energy to talk anymore. He watched as Ignis called out something to the others, but he couldn't hear what was being said. It was as if he was in a bubble, and nothing from the outside world affected him anymore. Ignis was still shouting away, but then he saw something over the other man's shoulder. The flash of steel. Someone was about to attack, about to kill Ignis…and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

'Iggy!' Gladiolus roared, and a dark shape took down the soldier that had been going to strike.

_That's another one you almost got killed. If you hadn't been so useless Ignis wouldn't have had to babysit you and would have been concentrating on what he was doing._

'Shut up…' Noctis whispered weakly.

'Highness?' Ignis asked, confused.

_Even now he's still worried about you. He almost died and the only thing he cares about is you. How does that make you feel? That these people care more about you than themselves? What right do you have to that kind of love? They'll die for you. Just like everyone in Lucis. Just like your father. Then you'll truly know what being alone is like._

'Leave me alone. Just leave me…alone…' Noctis said, before passing out in Ignis's arms.

-

When he woke up it was in a bed, and the room was cast in the semi darkness of early evening. He was alone, he noticed, the other single bed in the room was empty. There was a door near the head of his bed and through the wall he could hear the muffled voices of his friends. He was sure he caught his name several times as he lay there listening.

At least they were still alive. He had almost got Ignis killed, but his friend was still alive. For now. But for how much longer? How many times could he screw up and get lucky? He turned onto his side, and something poked him in the hip. The needles. The new drugs. Could he? What if his friends walked in? But the benefit of not having to feel guilty about Ignis for a few minutes was worth it. He sat up slowly and slipped out of his jacket. The wound on his right arm had spread, and was looking disgusting. He touched it gently and winced. No, it was going to be the left arm today.

With his right arm so sore it was tough tying a tourniquet but he managed it. And then he shuffled about as quietly as he could finding a spoon from the tea and coffee set and mixing up his drug. He added a little extra today, after what had happened he needed an extra kick.

As he was hovering the needle trying to find a vein he heard movement in the room beyond the door. His heart leaped to his throat and he waited statue-still for a few seconds, expecting the door to burst open. Nothing happened. He watched it for a moment then let himself relax. It was fine; they thought he was asleep. They weren't going to bother him. Taking a steadying breath he plunged the needle in and breathed out as he rode out the little sting of the needle.

The effect was almost instant, but not the same as usual. He felt dizzy, and the euphoria he was expecting never came. His brain was muddled like it was filling with cotton wool, and when he tried to place the needle down on the carpet the floor moved and swirled around him.

For some reason he pictured the first club he had been in, with the unremarkable brown haired girl Jez. She had mentioned something to her friends about him being safe with them as they had clean product. He'd been using her stuff ever since. But this new bag…Noctis tried to pick it up, but missed. Oh shit. Oh shit. What was in it? What had he been _thinking_ injecting something from a stranger? His body was starting to heat up, he felt too hot. Way too hot. He needed help. His pride was shot to pieces, he didn't care what his friends thought of him, he needed them now. Something was wrong. Something was desperately wrong.

But he couldn't find the door. The entire room was spinning around him and he couldn't figure out which way they were. His heart was hammering in his chest and he started panicking fresh, thinking he was having a heart attack. Could that happen? Oh Etro, what if he was having a heart attack?

'Ig…Ignis…' he called, finally seeing the brown wood of the door. He tried for it and fell with a thump to the ground. He started crawling forward, sliding along the carpet.

'Gladio…Prom…please…I'm sorry…please help me…I'm so sorry…' he repeated over and over and tears slipped down his cheeks. Oh god, he just wanted them. He needed them. What had he done?

And then the strangest thing happened; he lost control of his body. He could still see, still hear, but his body was shaking as if he was cold. Violently his limbs flailed, and his head hit the floor and his teeth bit his tongue so hard that the sweet taste of iron filled his mouth.

'Did you hear that?' Ignis asked, holding up a hand to silence the others.

'Hear what?' Gladiolus asked.

'I thought I heard my name,' Ignis said, rising from his position sat on one of the single beds. 'I'll just check on him quickly.'

Before he could take a step, however, there was a thud like something falling to the floor. Suddenly all three men were on their feet, racing for the door to the adjourning room. Time stood still for Ignis as he took in the scene before him; Noctis was lying on the ground, writhing about, and there was a belt wrapped around his arm and a needle on the floor. He couldn't piece it all together, despite the overwhelming evidence, so he focused on the issue at hand and dropped to his knees beside Noctis.

'Highness, can you hear me?' he asked, holding Noctis tight on his side so that he didn't injure himself further. 'Gladio, grab his legs.'

'Oh god, he's puking blood,' Prompto said in horror.

'More likely he's bitten his tongue,' Ignis said, his medical training kicking in. His gaze again caught the needle on the floor and he forced himself to look away from it, down at his charge. Noctis looked so pitiful as he convulsed and spasmed in his grasp, then suddenly he just fell limp.

'Is he…?' Gladiolus asked frantically.

Ignis checked his pulse. 'He's alive, he's just been very, very stupid,' he said carefully, emotions warring within himself. Concern won out, and he lifted the smaller man onto the nearest bed, making sure he was on his side in case he threw up. He sat down beside him and angrily pulled the belt off Noctis's arm, glancing down at the bruise forming on the inside of his elbow. Then he looked at the other arm and almost threw up himself; this was clearly not Noctis's first time, and it seemed he'd had a few bad experiences if the infected injection site was anything to go by. They'd need antibiotics for that.

Prompto sat down on the other side of the bed, his mouth hanging open as he took in the sight of his friend.

'How the hell did we miss this?' Gladiolus asked in a gruff voice, his hand rubbing at his temples.

'I saw…the other night I saw him,' Prompto said in a shaky voice. 'I followed him when he got up in the night and he was with these dealers. But he promised me he hadn't bought anything. I didn't know he was…I swear I'd have told you if I thought things were this bad.' There were tears in his eyes as he spoke, and they slid down his cheeks when Ignis reached out a comforting hand to hold his.

'It's not your fault. None of us had any idea he was doing this, or hurting so badly. I had a feeling he was slipping into depression, but I didn't even consider anything like this. I thought we were always with him, there shouldn't have been time for this to happen.'

'When you're determined you find a way,' Gladiolus said sadly, perching at the foot of the bed and resting a hand on Noctis's leg. 'I just wish he'd talked to us. Why the hell didn't he talk to us? We could have helped. He didn't need to do this.'

'Well he has. And now we're going to have to deal with the fall out,' Ignis said. 'He's not going to thank us for it, but it'll be for his own good. …Can someone please throw that shit out?' Ignis said sharply, glancing over at the bag of powder on the carpet.

Not used to hearing him swear, Gladiolus hurried to do just that, flushing the substance down the toilet.

Ignis sighed in relief when it was gone, then turned back to Noctis. How did he go about fixing something that he hadn't realised was so broken? His prince was a shadow of his former self now, in both the literal and figurative sense. He ran his hand up and down Noctis' back, feeling the vertebrae sticking out through the thin t-shirt.

'He's so thin,' Prompto said noticing the same thing. 'How did he get like this?'

'I imagine he's been lying to us about what he eats, just as he's been lying to us about how he's been feeling and what he's been doing,' Ignis said, feeling hurt afresh. 'When he wakes up we're going to need to have a long talk.'

Prompto swallowed hard. That didn't sound good. He felt sorry for Noctis.

None of them got any sleep that night. They ordered up coffee and sat sipping their drinks and watching Noctis sleep. The sun was starting to peek through a gap in the curtains when Noctis finally began to stir. He rolled onto his right side, then hissed in pain as he leaned on the abscess on his arm. That woke him up enough to blink open his eyes and stare up at the ceiling. He managed a couple of shaky breaths before he got the feeling he was being watched. And oh man was he ever. All three of his friends were sat around his bed, and they all looked angry.

'Morning?' Noctis said.

Prompto's hand reached out for his, but then Ignis glared at the blond and it was retracted. Okay, something was weird here. What was going on? He was about to ask when Ignis finally spoke up.

'Do you remember the events of last night?'

Noctis thought back. Did he? Not really. 'No,' he said.

Ignis gave a humourless snort. 'Of course not, you were off your head.'

Noctis's blood froze. Oh shit. They knew. They knew. He realised that his arms were exposed, that his track marks were all on display. Even worse his glove was off too so they could see the healed burn mark and the cut on his wrist. It was all laid open for them to see.

'Do you hate us that much?' Ignis asked.

'What? No-'

'Do you hate us so much that you'd rather buy drugs from a stranger on the street than talk to us? Would it not have been simpler to simply tell us that you were hurting? That you were finding it difficult to cope? What did you think we would say? Did you think we'd laugh or something? We're your friends, Noctis, we love you. We would have moved heaven and earth to help you.'

Well if that didn't make him feel like shit then nothing would. Noctis found he couldn't meet Ignis's gaze anymore; the emerald eyes were shining with tears and the hurt in them was too much to bear. But the sight was mirrored twice over when he looked around; Prompto looked like he was about to burst into tears and even Gladiolus was watching him with damp eyes. He looked ready to burst himself, either in a tirade of yelling or else a bone crushing hug. Sometimes it was hard to tell with Gladiolus.

'It was only going to be once,' he found himself whispering. 'Just to take the edge off.'

'It's never once,' Prompto said, shaking his head. 'You know that. I told you about my dad, I told you how it messes you up. Why would you want to do that to yourself?'

'I didn't _want_ to,' Noctis said, balling his fists. 'I _had_ to. It blocked out the visions and the voices. All I could think about was the three of you dying because of me. And the people that already have died because of me. Why should they have to die while I get to be perfectly fine? It's not fair!'

'Life isn't fair,' Gladiolus said. 'Yes it's sad that they're gone, but that doesn't mean that you have to kill yourself too. Live for them. Don't let their deaths be in vain. You have the power to fix this whole mess. If we can take down Idola and reclaim Lucis, you'll rebuild it. You'll save the world, Noctis. But not if you kill yourself.'

'You say you're worried about us dying for you, but how do you think we feel seeing you close to death?' Ignis asked, his hand gently trailing along Noctis's arm. 'When we found you last night I wasn't sure what to think. What if you'd taken too much? What if you'd have died and we hadn't realised you were slipping away just a few feet away from us? If I'd walked in the next morning and found you stone cold dead do you think I'd have been happy then?'

Noctis recoiled at the volume of his friend's words, but he couldn't block them out. Ignis was right. He had been amazingly selfish. He'd not wanted to see his friends die, but he'd almost put them through the exact thing that he was so afraid of.

'I didn't want to die,' he said.

'But you almost did,' Prompto said, finally taking his hand and not getting glared down by Ignis. 'Etro only knows what was in that stuff you injected. It could have been anything. In a way you were lucky to get off so lightly.'

He didn't feel like he'd got off lightly; his limbs ached all over, and his arms were both in agony. He had a headache too, and his tongue hurt from where it had been bitten. Worst of all, though, was the sick feeling in his stomach as he looked between his friends. They were angry, yes, but he could see the pain in their eyes too. They were scared for him. He'd put them through hell.

'I'm so sorry,' he said finally. 'I know that's hardly enough, but I can't…I don't know what else I can say. I really am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this. I just wanted to block out all the pain. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'Well you did, so now you're going to have to live with that pain, too,' Gladiolus said, then shifted up the bed and lifted him up into a hug. 'Same way that we're going to have to live with the pain of seeing you like that and knowing we didn't even realise you were doing it to yourself.'

Being in Gladiolus's arms was like being wrapped up in a nice warm blanket. Despite his aches and pains Noctis let himself melt into the embrace, and let himself feel protected and cared for. There was a warmth behind him, and then the clean spicy scent of Ignis. Noctis felt even better knowing that his advisor was still willing to hold him like this. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up too badly. Prompto was last and flung himself at the group and wrapped his arms around as widely as he could. How long they stayed like that Noctis had no idea, but it wasn't long enough. He could have stayed in their arms forever. But they finally pulled away, and pillows were moved so that he could sit up in bed and Ignis could fuss over his wounds.

'And this one?' the bespectacled man asked, gently turning over his left hand.

'Burned it,' Noctis said. It felt like a lifetime ago.

'On purpose?' Ignis raised an eyebrow.

Noctis shifted uncomfortably. There was no use lying anymore, his friends had made it perfectly clear that they wanted him to be honest.

'Well, it wasn't that bad by the looks of it, and it's almost healed. It may scar, though, and it won't be pretty.'

'I'll keep the glove on,' Noctis said with a shrug.

'The track marks may take longer to heal. I'm not exactly sure on their lifespan,' Ignis said. Then his fingers lightly grazed the inflamed skin around the abscess on Noctis' right elbow. 'This needs antibiotics. You're very lucky you haven't made yourself seriously ill with septicaemia.'

'Yeah,' Noctis said, bowing his head low. He'd been stupid. He knew that.

Ignis sighed and ran his hand down Noctis's arm, taking his hand and running his thumb across the back of Noctis's hand. 'Is there anywhere else?'

'Huh?'

'Anywhere else you injected into? Or just your arms?'

'Just my arms,' Noctis said.

Ignis nodded. 'And no other self harm?'

Noctis shook his head. 'I promise. You've seen everything now. Now you know what I've been doing. This is me: Noctis the screw up.'

Arms slipped around him and held him close. 'You're not a screw up. You made some bad decisions, but you're paying for them. And you won't make them again, correct?'

'Right,' Noctis said. And he was determined to keep that promise.

Ignis kissed his forehead then let him go. 'I'm going to acquire some antibiotics for that arm, try and get some sleep while I'm gone. You don't look like you've been sleeping well.'

Understatement of the century. But sleeping meant dreaming, and that was a trigger for his self-destructive tendencies. Prompto and Gladiolus must have noticed, however, and suddenly he found himself sandwiched between them as they lay either side of him.

Prompto's arm slid around his waist and held him close. 'We'll be here. No bad dreams.'

'If it looks like you're having a nightmare we'll wake you up,' Gladiolus promised. 'Just rest, we'll take care of you.'

The nightmares didn't come, but he woke up shaking anyway. His first thoughts were of cocaine, but the arms around him reminded him that was not the answer. He trembled as Prompto held him close, and Gladiolus ran a hand up and down his side to calm him, and help him through the withdrawal craving. It was tough, so tough, but he managed to keep himself calm by drawing strength from his friends. So when Ignis returned with supplies he was almost back to normal.

'You need to eat with these, so I've brought you some soup too,' Ignis said, taking Gladiolus's place on the bed while Prompto helped Noctis sit up. 'Soup to start with as I'm assuming you've not been eating much recently.'

'I haven't felt hungry,' Noctis said. At least that was a truth.

'Yes, well, whatever the case you're lucky you didn't collapse from malnutrition. You need to start looking after yourself again, highness. Help us to help you.'

Noctis nodded and accepted the bowl of steaming soup, managing half of it before he was full. Then he took the antibiotics and the painkillers that Ignis handed to him.

After that they took it turns sitting up with him, as he was no longer tired but they weren't happy just yet to leave him alone. Since the other three hadn't managed to get any sleep they took shifts in the adjourning room, while Noctis curled up on the bed with whoever was left and watched movies on the little television set.

'You know I've heard ice cream is good for these occasions,' Prompto said, shutting the bedroom door behind him as he took his turn with Noctis. He crawled onto the bed beside his friend and opened up a bag with a huge tub of chocolate caramel swirl, and two spoons.

'Really? Ice cream?' Noctis asked, but he had to admit he was intrigued.

Prompto nodded, then poked him in his ribs. 'Also you need to eat, your clothes are hanging off you and you're scaring me.'

While Prompto played about trying to find a good movie Noctis took a spoon and stared at it. He wondered if he'd ever be able to look at the simple utensil again without that little pang of desire. With Prompto by his side and Despicable Me playing in the background, though, it was easy to forget about the drugs. And actually easy to forget about his worries. Prompto was great at quoting the movie they were watching, and even making the voices along with the characters. He had Noctis laughing so much his sides hurt, and by the time the credits were rolling Noctis was sprawled over his friend and they were contently dozing together in each other's arms.

Gladiolus pushed the door open, ready to take his own watch, but decided against it. They looked way too comfy to be disturbed. He went back through to the bedroom where Ignis was reading something online.

'Chill, Ignis, he's gonna be fine,' Gladiolus said, catching the title of the article.

Ignis sighed. 'I still wish there was something more I could do for him. If I'd realised earlier perhaps it wouldn’t have got this bad-'

'Stop beating yourself up. I mean it. It happened, yes, and we've made it clear to him that he was an idiot. But he's our idiot and now we just have to get him through the withdrawal and he'll be fine. I think he's learned his lesson there, and we'll just keep hammering it home every day that we're here for him and that we're not going to leave him.'

'What if we can't keep that promise?' Ignis asked. 'What if we don't make it?'

'Iggy, when I'm on the battlefield I'm looking out for Noct, yeah, but I'm also watching you and Prom too. I'm keeping an eye on all three of you. So don't worry so much, alright? We'll be fine.'

Ignis smiled at that, and switched his laptop off. 'Thank you, Gladio.'

-

They were a few days late reaching Altissa, but to the group it didn't matter. When they rolled into the city they were closer than they'd ever been, and Noctis felt strong enough and ready to take on the challenges ahead. He was pushing the past behind him, and looking ahead to a future where Lucis was rebuilt and Niflheim was crushed.

It was as they made their way up the steps to the royal palace that Noctis realised the nagging voice in the back of his head had been silenced. He felt a smile on his lips at that, a true, genuine smile. He was worthy of his friends. And he would protect them with everything he had.


	2. The Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overcoming something like an addiction is never easy. Noctis could laugh at himself for thinking it would be simple. Instead emotions boil within him and the demons in his head try to push his friends away while the real Noctis begs for them to stay.
> 
> But words cannot be unsaid, and when it all comes down to it has he said and done too much for even his most loyal friends to forgive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally going to be a one-shot, but the fantastic people that read and commented asked for a bit more detail on the recovery side of things as I skipped over a lot of that, so I've come up with a little second chapter to describe the time between Noctis's friends finding out he was taking drugs, and their arrival in Altissa.
> 
> This is dedicated to people that were kind enough to read the first chapter, and I hope this adds the little extra info you were hoping for! ♥ Lots of fluff. Lots of Noctis being an ass. ;__;
> 
> Also thanks to the fantastic Demishock for the conversation that leads me to truly believe Noctis and the lightning element are perfect for each other. ^^
> 
> I hope it reads okay, I'm still all yucky from the cold so this took far longer than I'd have liked to have completed. Sorry for the wait!

_Lord, forgive me for the things I've done  
I was never meant to hurt no one_

_This is how it ends.  
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream_

_So tell me when it kicks in_

-Ed Sheeran, Bloodstream

 

Near death experiences change you. For Noctis his first had been due to a childhood accident beyond his control, and had left him with the gift to see the light of the dead. The second had shaken him to his core because it had been his own doing. He had chosen the path that led to his downfall and subsequent lucky escape. And when he had woken up terrified of what had almost happened with his friends worried faces around him it had been easy to promise never to do it again. After all why would he want to do something so risky, and hurt the people he loved?

The feeling didn't last forever.

His friends had been amazing. Yes they'd been angry, but they loved him and they put all of that aside to sit with him after he woke up and try their best to look after him and make him feel loved. But his body had other ideas, and as nice as it was dozing next to Prompto's warm body he couldn't fall asleep. Not properly. His body was alert, on edge. And there was only one thing on his mind.

It was easy to slip out of Prompto's arms, and he waited a heartbeat while the blond settled again against the pillows. Once he was sure his friend was asleep Noctis began his search. He tried his jacket pockets, but they were all empty. As was the overnight bag they used for clothing, he even made sure to take every single item of clothing out and give it a shake. There was nothing under the bed, nothing in the drawers. But maybe it had fallen down the back of the drawers? Noctis pulled them out and checked. Nope. Maybe it was in the bathroom? Noctis hurried in there and began tossing things aside as he searched. The towels came off the rails and he chucked his toothbrush and toothpaste on the floor as he upended the little plastic pot. Nothing.

He growled and stomped back through to the bedroom. And froze. Ignis was standing in the doorway between the two adjourning rooms, amidst the chaotic mess he had created. The tall man was leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded, watching Noctis carefully. Prompto had woken up at some point and was sat on the bed cross legged.

'Lost something?' Ignis asked casually. There was an edge to his voice.

'No,' Noctis lied, swallowing hard.

'Well then, you should be resting. You had a seizure last night after all, and the wound on your arm is badly infected.'

'Yeah,' Noctis said, his gaze flitting to the bed then over to the little chest of drawers on the other side of the bed. He hadn't checked there yet. He licked his lips and forced himself to stay put, he had to wait for Ignis to leave.

Ignis wasn't leaving. 'The bed is there, if you want to get in.'

'I…' Noctis could feel his body tensing up. He was sure it was in that other chest of drawers. He was desperate. He needed to go and check _now_. He hadn't realised he was trembling until Prompto's hand reached out and caught his wrist.

'Noct? Bed time, buddy.'

Noctis glanced helplessly at the drawers, then at Prompto. 'But…'

'I'll put you out of your misery, it's not in there,' Ignis said flatly. 'Gladiolus flushed every last fleck of the cocaine away. There's no more, and there's no way we're letting you out of our sight to buy more.'

If Prompto's hand hadn't been on his wrist Noctis wasn't quite sure what he'd have done. A flash of anger unlike anything he'd ever felt before ran through him, and he darted toward Ignis with a snarl. Prompto pulled him back, and the gunner was on his feet holding Noctis against his chest to keep him from attacking. Noctis was kicking out, his legs off the air in his frenzy.

'How could you let him do that? Do you know how hard it is to get? Do you know how expensive it is? I need it now! _I need it!_ '

Ignis had never been afraid of Noctis before in his life, but seeing the pure rage in his eyes as they flashed red had him stepping back instinctively. It took a lot of effort but he had to remind himself that this was the sweet little boy that had used to beg him for homework help, and who had crawled into his bed when there had been a thunderstorm and asked him to explain where the lightning came from. The same stubborn but brilliant young man that he was proud to call a friend. Now Noctis was barely recognisable; he had always been lean but now he was scarily thin, skeletal to the point that Ignis was tempted to take him to hospital. And his arms were ruined with self harm wounds and infected track marks that would likely take years if they ever faded completely at all. And the wild look in his eyes; the loss of control that let him know this wasn't Noctis he was talking to, but rather the stranger that had invaded his friend's body and had locked the true Noctis away. He wanted his Noctis back. He would sell his soul to have Noctis returned to them unharmed.

He watched as Prompto fought to control the dark haired man, and eventually Noctis fell limp against the blond. There were tears in his eyes as he looked up at Ignis.

'Please. Ignis _please_ give it back.'

Ignis swallowed hard. 'It's gone, Noctis.'

Noctis choked out a sob and squeezed his eyes shut. Prompto lifted him onto the bed but when he tried to lie down next to him Noctis lashed out with a slap and then curled up in a ball away from the gunner. 'Leave me alone.'

The slap hadn't hurt physically, but mentally it cut through him like a knife. Prompto looked up to Ignis for guidance.

'Leave him be until he's calmed down. He's not going to get another fix from this room, perhaps a few minutes alone will be good for him.'

Prompto didn't want to leave, but he had to admit seeing Noctis so volatile had been scary. He reached out to gently run a hand through Noctis's hair and the prince violently pulled away from him as soon as he felt the touch.

'Don't shut us out, Noct,' Prompto whispered.

Gladiolus was watching them from where he lay on the bed as they closed the door behind him. 'Thought I was going to have to intervene there. Didn't know you could piss him off so badly.'

Ignis felt a wave of hurt wash over him. 'I didn't used to be able to. It's like he's a completely different person.'

'He was fine before he woke up. We were watching a film and he was fine,' Prompto said.

'And now he's experiencing a craving,' Ignis said, perching on the edge of the table. 'Unfortunately he's going to be up and down for a while.'

'Still can't believe he managed to pull this off for as long as he did,' Gladiolus said with a frown, setting his magazine down and swinging his legs around so he was sitting on the side of the bed. 'How did I miss it? Is he that good or am I…'

'You did the best you could. We were under exceptional circumstances what with the invasion and the death of the king and being on the run. We were all tired and under stress, it's nobody's fault.'

'Yeah,' Gladiolus said, looking utterly unconvinced. 'But I'm supposed to protect him. It's my job. I'm supposed to be prepared for when the shit hits the fan, he's supposed to be able to trust in me to keep him safe.'

'Even from himself?' Ignis challenged. 'You heard him in there, he was hardly rational. Can you imagine the Noctis we know screaming like that?'

'Or attacking us?' Prompto asked in a small voice. 'Gladio, he would have gone for Ignis if I hadn't held him back. His feet didn't even touch the ground, he was just insane. He really wanted to hurt someone. That's not Noct, he'd never hurt us.'

'Well I don't know about you guys but I don't like this new Noctis very much, so I'm going to get the old one back. Okay he was snarky and bratty sometimes, but he was our snarky little brat,' Gladiolus said. 'How can I trust him when he lies and sneaks around all the time?'

'As much as it pains me to say it, we can't trust him right now,' Ignis said, pushing his glasses further up his nose with a single finger. 'Even if he seems rational and lucid, it may just be an act to try and put us off our guard.'

'We can't take him to Altissa like this,' Gladiolus said. 'He can't see Lunafreya in this state. He can't see anyone in this state, what will they think?'

'That he's gone mad with grief,' Ignis said, staring at the closed door. 'Which isn't a million miles from the truth.'

'Well then, we need to turn him un-mad,' Prompto said. 'I've seen withdrawal before, it's not pretty but you can get through it.'

Ignis studied Prompto for a moment, then nodded. 'He certainly won't thank us for it.'

'I don't care if he hates us, I just want to help him,' Gladiolus said. 'I still feel like I've let him down by not stopping it in the first place. Anything I can do I'm gonna do it.'

'Well the main thing is to ensure that he doesn't get any more of that damn drug,' Ignis said. 'Simple enough if we keep watch over him. A proper watch. We've seen him sneak off before, we can assume that he'll try the same again as his cravings get desperate. His mind will be telling him that he needs the drug and he'll do anything to get some. And then we need to keep him distracted, try to prevent him slipping further into depression. As hard as it is to take his attitude he'll needs us more than he realises if he's going to get through this. And he needs to eat, I'm worried about malnutrition. He's always found it hard to maintain a healthy weight because of the crystal sapping his energy and making him too tired to eat, but now he's not even trying.'

'I found that with my dad, he completely lost his appetite,' Prompto said, kicking his feet on the carpet. 'It was a nightmare trying to get him to keep up with everyday things like taking showers and eating enough.'

Gladiolus snaked an arm around Prompto's shoulders and pulled him into a rough one-armed hug. 'You were way too young to go through that. And Noct should have known better than to put you through it again.'

Prompto shrugged. 'Not his fault. He was desperate, and he found an answer that worked for a bit.'

'While it's unfortunate that you had to go through it, I don't suppose you've got any tips on healing abscesses? The one on the prince's arm concerns me,' Ignis said.

'Can't you bandage that up?' Gladiolus asked.

'I did. He pulled it off,' Ignis said, rubbing his temples. 'He'll ascent to treatment when he's in a happier mood, but as soon as he gets like this…'

'Speaking of, he's been really quiet in there. You think he's fallen asleep?' Prompto asked. 'Maybe we can go check on him, rebandage his arm and stuff?'

They all remained silent for a few moments, alert for any signs of movement. There was nothing.

'I'll check up on him,' Ignis said, moving to the door and opening it as quietly as he could. The room was still light but he knew that Noctis could sleep in any conditions. He was about to slip inside when his gaze fell on the bed. The empty bed. Panic seized his heart and he threw the door open as he looked about wildly. There was a chill to the air and he realised the window was open.

'Damn him!' Ignis yelled, storming over the window as the other followed him inside.

'Oh man, no way…' Prompto said, joining Ignis at the window.

They were two floors up, he could have broken something falling that far. But as he looked out he realised why Ignis wasn't panicking more; Noctis was crouched on the branch of a tree growing nearby. With no lower branches to jump to he was stuck.

'Uh, not trying to help you escape, but why don't you warp?' Prompto asked, watching with sadness at the panicked look on his friend's pale face.

'I…can't,' Noctis said slowly, as if he couldn't understand it himself.

'Can't warp?' Ignis asked, frowning. 'Well, in this case it’s a good thing. Gladiolus, could you please?'

'I'm on it,' Gladiolus said with a resigned sigh. The others stood back as he leaned out of the window and grabbed Noctis, hauling him back through the window and into the safety of the room.

Noctis saw that there was a clear run to the door and as soon as his feet were on the ground again he tried to make for it. Prompto went to block the door but it wasn't necessary; Gladiolus grabbed Noctis by the arms and then pulled him tight against his chest, pinning him in place.

'Let go!' Noctis screamed, twisting violently.

'Not happening, highness,' Gladiolus said tiredly.

'Let go, you're hurting me,' Noctis said in a high voice.

Gladiolus was about to repeat his previous words when he felt something hot and wet beneath his hand. When he glanced down he saw red and fear shot through him; he'd hurt Noctis. Instinctively he released his grip, which gave Noctis the opportunity to ram his elbow back into Gladiolus's ribs then make a run for it. The bedroom door was barred, but there was nobody in the way of the bathroom. He ran into the room and slammed the door with a deafening thud.

Ignis reached the door just as he heard the snick of the lock sliding home. He banged his fists against the wood. 'Highness! Open this door right now.'

'Make me,' Noctis shouted back, with a little thud as he slid to the floor and leaned his back against the door.

'Just watch me,' Gladiolus said, rushing over ready to break the door down, but Ignis stopped him.

'It's a small bathroom, the door could hit him.'

The fight went out of Gladiolus, but he stared at the door with pain in his eyes. 'We've got to do something. I hurt him, Iggy,' Gladiolus said, his voice cracking slightly as he held up his hand slick with blood.

Ignis swallowed hard. 'The abscess, I assume.' He knocked on the door, resting his forehead against the cool wood. 'Prince? Are you alright?'

There was silence, then what sounded like snuffling. 'Go away.' There was no conviction in the words, though.

'Were not going anywhere, highness,' Ignis said, sliding down the door and resting against it, just as Noctis was doing on the other side. 'We're here for you whether you like it or not. Is your arm okay? Is it bleeding?'

Another pause. 'It's fine,' Noctis said.

'I can help you. I can bandage it. And it's time for more antibiotics. If you'd just come out-'

'It's _fine,_ ' Noctis said.

Ignis sighed, and closed his eyes. 'You don't have to do this alone, highness. Wouldn’t it be nicer to sit out here with us, rather than in a bathroom?'

A sniffle. 'I don't deserve to sit out there with you.'

Ignis's heart broke. 'Noctis, you belong out here with us. Don't do this to yourself. We're not angry. We just want to help.' Okay they were a _bit_ angry, but they could put that aside if it got Noctis out of the bathroom.

There was just silence from the bathroom, however, and no matter how much Ignis begged Noctis didn't speak further, and refused to open the door. It was a long thirty minutes before the metallic click of the lock turning cut through the silence. As soon as it did Ignis leaped for the handle and opened the door. Noctis was sat curled by the bath tub, looking small and frail with his knees drawn up to his chest. Ignis dropped to his knees beside him and gathered him up in his arms, resting his chin on the crown of dark hair.

'I don't understand what's happening to me,' Noctis whispered. 'I'm so sorry, Ignis.'

'It's alright. We know you don't mean it.'

'Did…did I hurt Gladio?' Noctis asked fearfully.

'Nah, I barely felt your bony little elbow,' Gladiolus said from the doorway, trying for a teasing tone but falling flat. 'Did I hurt your arm?'

Noctis shook his head. 'It's nothing more than I deserve.'

Ignis pulled away from him sharply with a frown, and gently took the thin arm in his hands, probing the wound with delicate fingers. 'It's stopped bleeding, at least. I'll clean it up and dress it.'

'Really it's fine-'

'Stop that,' Ignis said. 'Stop thinking these things. Do you think we enjoy seeing you hurt? And if you think you're being a bother now, think how inconvenient it will be for us if you come down with a fever from this. Or if the wound becomes gangrenous. You realise you could lose your arm if you don't treat this seriously? In the grand scheme of things treating the wound now is a lot less troublesome that cutting up your food for you and helping you use the bathroom.'

That shut Noctis up.

Gladiolus squeezed into the bathroom with them, and looked down at the prince. 'On the bed?'

'Please,' Ignis said, extracting himself from Noctis so that Gladiolus could get to him.

'You don't need to carry me, I can walk a few feet,' Noctis said.

Gladiolus ignored him, and bent down to gather him up in his arms. 'Let me feel useful, yeah?' Over the years he'd carried Noctis more times than he could care to remember; usually back from training after the prince had exhausted himself. But now it felt like he was holding spun glass; not just because of how frail Noctis felt in his arms, but how frail the prince's mind was. What if Noctis suddenly took a turn and started lashing out again, and he dropped him by accident? Gladiolus hurried to settle the man down on the bed again, trying to make him as comfortable as possible sat up against the pillows and tucking the duvet up to his waist.

A few seconds later Ignis was sat on Noctis' right side with an assortment of supplies in hand. He carefully set Noctis's arm out on his lap and began cleaning the wound. 'Prompto, could you please fetch a glass of water for his highness?'

'On it,' Prompto said, jumping to his feet and happy to be useful.

'I'm not thirsty,' Noctis said, wincing as Ignis pressed too hard near the injury.

'Sorry,' Ignis muttered, lightening his touch. 'You'll need it to wash down the antibiotic. They need to be taken on an empty stomach and they don't get much emptier than yours. But in an hour I'll be waking you and I'll expect you to try and eat something.'

'Okay,' Noctis said miserably, watching as Ignis dressed the wound again. Once the abscess was hidden he could pretend it wasn't there; the sight of it made him feel ill.

The bed to Noctis's left dipped as Prompto sat down beside him, and handed over the glass of water. 'Here you go, nice and cold.'

'Thanks, Prom,' Noctis said, taking the glass with his shaky left hand. Prompto didn’t relinquish his hold completely, and helped steady it as Ignis handed over a capsule of flucloxacillin and Noctis swallowed it with the water. 'Ugh, those capsules are huge. Doesn't it come in liquid?'

'It does, but this is a small town and the pharmacy only had the capsule preparation. I could have driven for miles to find you some syrup but I thought if you were old enough to inject into your veins for fun then you'd be able to handle some pills.'

Noctis was silent, and couldn't meet Ignis's gaze. There was something different about their relationship now. Something off. He'd have possibly burst into tears at the fear he'd lost his friend if Ignis hadn't been cradling him in the bathroom just five minutes ago. So Ignis didn't hate him, he was just disappointed. Deeply disappointed. Noctis wished he could fix it.

Prompto was still treating him the same though, and the blond had managed to worm his way under the covers to join him. The gunner was warm against him, and as soon as Ignis was finished with his arm Prompto sorted the pillows so they were lying flat again and had pulled Noctis close to his side, arms going around the prince to pull him over his chest so the dark haired man was sprawled comfortably with the most possible body contact. His hand went up to rub Noctis's back gently, and it was nice to feel the strong thump of Noctis's' heart beating against his own chest.

'Can I look after him until dinner?' Prompto asked.

Ignis nodded.

'I think you've made the decision for us,' Gladiolus said, reaching down to ruffle Prompto's hair. He hesitated, then gently ran the back of his fingers against Noctis's cheek. 'Get some sleep brat, okay?'

Noctis managed a half smile. 'Kay.'

Once the door was closed behind Ignis and Gladiolus, Prompto looked down at the sleepy prince. 'Uh-uh. Sorry Noct, I know you probably need sleep but I think we need to talk.'

Noctis felt himself go cold. What was there to talk about? 'I'm tired,' he tried.

'It won't take long, you can still get a nap in before we eat.'

He was trembling again, he could feel it. This was what he was afraid of, terrified of. 'Please Prom, don't make me,' he whispered, hoping he could appeal to his friend.

Prompto almost crumbled. The pleading tone made him just want to gather Noctis up and hold him tight, keep him safe from the world. Part of him wanted to tell Noctis that it was okay, that he didn't have to explain anything or relive it. But he had questions he needed answers to, to assure himself that Noctis wasn't going to do it again. He was so scared for his friend. 'Do you want more now?'

Noctis closed his eyes and for a long moment Prompto thought he wasn't going to answer. 'Yes.'

That was a stab to his gut. Prompto's arms tightened around his friend. 'Even knowing that you're hurting yourself?'

'I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. There's a part of me that wants it even though I know it could kill me. How ridiculous is that? Even now that part of me is trying to think of ways to get away from you so I can go and buy some.'

'You're not getting away from me, Noct. I'm faster than you on a good day and right now you're probably not strong enough to sit yourself up.' Except he'd been pretty damn quick dashing to the bathroom. It seemed when drugs were concerned Noctis's body was strong enough.

'I'd still try,' Noctis said honestly. But he was a warm weight melted against Prompto's chest and didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about moving anytime soon.

'Good thing I'm staying right by your skinny butt, then.'

Noctis smiled against Prompto's chest.

'Why didn't you come to us?' Prompto asked softly, the hand at Noctis's back travelling up to bury itself with the dark hair at the nape of Noctis's head. 'Instead of taking that stuff, why didn't you talk to us instead? We'd _die_ for you, Noct, what did you think we were going to say? If we knew you were hurting we'd have done everything we could to help you.'

Again there was a long pause as if Noctis wasn't going to say anything, but he was simply collecting his thoughts. 'You were all hurting too. Lucis was your home, you were on the run too. I thought I could handle things on my own, I didn't want to trouble you. It seemed so silly…I was scared of losing you, but you were all still right there. I was so scared of losing you…and now I have. I've screwed everything up and you'll never be able to look at me the same way and Ignis hates me and you all think I'm stupid for doing it…' Tears stung at his eyes and he blinked them back, turning his head away from Prompto so the gunner couldn't see

'Hey. _Hey,_ ' Prompto said, turning Noctis's head back. 'Who told you we think that? I'm looking at you and I still see my best friend. Twenty pounds lighter, yeah, but you're still the guy I played hooky with at school, who made me stay in the castle and sleep in his bed whenever I was sick and who bought me my favourite gun even though he was breaking the law smuggling it into Lucis.' Prompto's gloves were off, so he held up his left wrist for Noctis to see, with the faint trace of the scar. 'You know that I know what it feels like to be in a dark place you can't see a way out of. I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to understand why you did it so that I can try and help you not do it again. Maybe next time things get so bad I'll actually notice that my best friend is drowning and be able to help him before it gets to this stage.'

'Prom…'

'I love you, you idiot. There's nothing you can do to stop that. I'm going to keep beating you around the head until you get better, though, because you're still being stubborn. But once you're back on your feet we'll go back to how things were. Except I'll be sticking even closer to you than before. And you'll get more hugs.'

Noctis smiled. 'I like hugs.'

'Course you do. Everyone likes hugs. And I don't mean to brag, but my hugs are pretty epic.' Prompto demonstrated by wrapping both arms around Noctis's narrow torso, trying to push back the panic at the reminder of how ill Noctis had made himself. Instead he busied himself with nuzzling his cheek against Noctis's, making the other man laugh little.

'You're insane,' Noctis said, but he loved it so much.

'Best way to be, much more fun than being sane.'

Noctis nodded, then sighed. 'But what about Ignis? Gladio I think will be okay, but Ignis…'

'Gladio will be fine. The big guy's beating himself up for not noticing you were doing this, and now he's terrified of hurting you. Give him a few days he'll be back to normal.'

'And Ignis?' Noctis pressed.

Prompto blew out a breath of air. 'Tricky one. I'm not gonna even try to pretend I know what goes through his head, but he's seemed kind of…I don't know. I bet he blames himself too. We all do.'

'No, he blames me. Like he should.'

'Don't say that,' Prompto soothed, nuzzling Noctis again. 'We're not blaming anyone, that won't help anything. I think Ignis needs more time. He's the smartest guy on the planet, and he doesn't understand why you did it. He doesn't like not understanding things.'

'Should I talk to him? Would that help?'

'It might do. So long as you're calm like this, and not throwing one of your hissy fits.'

'I think I'm done with those.'

Prompto gave him a look. 'Yeah. Well, let's give it a few more hours at least before we declare you of sound mind. You're still in withdrawal. I wouldn't be making any promises if I were you. I hate to say it, Noct, but at the moment I don't trust you.'

'It's okay, Prom,' Noctis said sadly. 'I don't trust me either.'

-

'So, what _is_ the difference?' Gladiolus asked. His muscular arms were crossed and leaning against the handle of their trolley as he leaned forward to peer over Ignis's shoulder at the two cans of soup the shorter man had been debating between for several minutes.

'They appear to have very similar ratios of chicken to noodle, I'm trying to compare the other nutritional elements to see which is superior,' Ignis said.

Gladiolus gave him a look. 'Iggy, it's chicken noodle soup.'

'It's not just-' Ignis paused, letting out a slow breath of air. His hands were wrapped tightly around the cans, his knuckles white.

'I get it. You want to help him. But I don't think it matters which brand of soup you pick. That's not the kind of help he needs right now.'

'Well what else can I do?' Ignis asked helplessly. 'There's nothing I can do for him. All of my training and preparations and when it finally comes down to it the only use I can be is to find him the soup with the highest calorie count in the hopes that he doesn't starve himself to death.' Ignis angrily tossed a can into the trolley and shoved the other back on the shelf.

'Ignis-'

'Can we please carry on?' Ignis asked, staring forward intently.

'Ignis.'

Briefly Ignis turned to Gladiolus and caught the other man's concerned gaze. 'What?'

'Come here,' Gladiolus said, relinquishing his hold on the trolley and holding his arms open.

'I'm not Noctis or Prompto, I hardly need the trivial comfort of a physical act to improve my mood.'

Gladiolus waved his arms a little. 'Sometimes trivial physical acts are exactly what you need.' He didn't wait for Ignis to answer, he closed the gap and wrapped his arms around Ignis, pulling the other man gently to his chest and holding him tight. It was much different from glomping Prompto and Noctis; the other two were short enough that he could rest his chin on their heads, or else if he was feeling particularly teasing he'd lift them off the floor. Ignis was a whole different kettle of fish, and the calm, warm embrace was perfect. After a few seconds he felt Ignis relax into his arms, and then, tentatively, Ignis's arms wove around his waist.

'We had a scare, Ignis, it's okay for you to take a little time for yourself. You don't have to be strong all the time, let us help you okay? Just look at Noct to see that keeping everything to yourself is a terrible idea.'

Ignis swallowed hard, and his vision blurred briefly. It took him a few seconds to realise that it was because he was blinking through tears. 'I've always tried to do everything right. I've been by his side since he was a child. I know he didn't thank me for making him study so hard, but other than that I thought that we'd always been friends. It's so hard seeing him like this. He hates me for stopping him going and getting more drugs. He actually hates me.'

'He doesn't hate you,' Gladiolus said.

'You didn't see the look in his eyes when I told him they were gone. He _hates_ me, Gladio. For trying to do what's best for him he hates me. I've lost the best friend I've ever had to cocaine. He's the crown prince, I never thought I'd have to worry about things like this. Was that where I went wrong? Assuming he was safe from those urges? I should have done more to educate him about the dangers.'

'Noct knew the risks. He chose to do it anyway. You brought him up perfectly well, we both did all we could for him. We helped him become an adult that could make his own decisions, and now we're here to protect him from the decisions he made. It's not ideal, but that's what we signed up for.'

Ignis sighed, and rested his head against Gladiolus's shoulder. The warm scent of leather was a comfort. 'He still hates me.'

'Well then he hates both of us. And he'll hate me a whole lot more, because until he's over these withdrawal cravings I'm gonna make sure he's not on his own for five seconds.'

Ignis smiled. 'We can be the bad guys together, then.'

Gladiolus squeezed the other man tight, and smiled. 'Yeah we can. So; are we all on a soup diet, or are we buying actual food too? The restaurant at the hotel is pretty rubbish and if we're going to be here a few days I think we either need to eat out or fend for ourselves.'

'Eating out isn't really an option unless we do it in shifts,' Ignis said. 'I don’t think the prince is ready to be in public just yet and we can't leave him alone.'

'We could order pizza tonight?' Gladiolus said hopefully.

It was a testament to how off Ignis was feeling that the bespectacled man simply nodded. 'That would be fine. I can heat up the prince's soup in the microwave in our room, then we'll order in something for ourselves.'

'Sweet,' Gladiolus said in approval. 'And snacks. We needs snacks. Prompto will never let us hear the last of it if we don't come back with some junk food.'

Ignis almost managed a smile. 'Just Prompto? Sure that you're not asking for selfish reasons?'

'Hey a guy's gotta eat,' Gladiolus said with a shrug.

The trolley was laden down with foods that with a clear head Ignis would have balked at buying, when they entered the pharmacy aisle of the little town supermarket. Gladiolus watched Ignis scan the shelves.

'Whatcha looking for?'

Ignis had already placed a packet of painkillers in the trolley, a roll of bandage and a few potions, but he was still searching. 'Something for if he decides to be awkward with us,' Ignis muttered, then; 'Aha, here we go.' Ignis selected a few bottles of dissolvable vitamin pills, then a box containing sachets of build up drinks.

Gladiolus snorted. 'Ugh, I remember those awful things. Poor kid used to get them all the time when the crystal made him too tired to eat. You think he'll like the taste of them any better now he's an adult?'

'I doubt it, but it's worth a try if he's going to make a fuss and try to complain he's too tired to eat. The vitamins I can crush up into his drink, he'll never know.'

'Didn't know you had this devious side to you, Iggy, I like it.'

'Yes, well, you have to develop these skills growing up beside someone as stubborn as his highness.'

With those in the trolley Ignis headed for the pharmacy counter, where an elder woman was sat reading a book. She glanced up when she saw Ignis approach and slipped a bookmark between the pages before smiling at him. 'Back so soon? Are the antibiotics okay?'

'Fine, thank you. I'm afraid I need to ask for another favour. Again I have no prescription, but I'd like a sedative. The stronger the better.'

She bit her lip. 'That's…'

'I assure you that although I don't have my certificate with me, I am a trained level one healer,' Ignis said. This was true, she didn't need to know that he didn't practice, though. He'd only learned to be of better assistance to Noctis since the boy was a trouble magnet.

With a sigh she turned to the rows of potions and pills behind her; the strong stuff. She selected a little box and set it on the counter. 'These are the strongest we stock, they'll knock out an adult for eight hours so be careful with them, alright?'

Ignis handed over the gil and slipped them into his pocket. 'Thank you.'

'What are they for?' Gladiolus asked as they headed for the checkout.

'His highness. He'll be exhausted, but you may have noticed he hasn't slept solidly since the incident. Withdrawal symptoms can also include insomnia, ironically enough alongside increased fatigue. Couple that with the energy the crystal takes from him then his body must be crying out for sleep.'

'So we're gonna drug him?' Gladiolus asked. 'Never thought we'd have to help Noctis get to sleep. This is definitely a day for the record books.'

'Indeed,' Ignis said tiredly, as they paid for their items and bagged them up. Gladiolus took the bags insisting that Ignis didn't need to carry anything, then he drove them back to the hotel. They set everything out in the second bedroom, then they both crept over to the door that led to the adjourning room and took deep breaths to prepare themselves.

Ignis entered first, and tried his best to wipe the anxiety from his face. As frustrating as Noctis's attitude was right now the other man didn't need to see how it was affecting him. Noctis didn't need that stress too. Ignis glanced about the room ready to greet the occupants. There was no Noctis. Ignis's heart leaped to his throat.

Prompto sighed tiredly from where he was sat cross legged on the bed, and ran a thin hand through his messy blond hair. 'I'm sorry. He said he needed the bathroom, what was I supposed to do?'

'Is he…?' Gladiolus asked fearfully, glancing over to the window.

'What? Oh, no. No, he's not escaped. He's still in there. The bathroom, I mean. He locked himself in again and won't come out.' Prompto gave a humourless laugh, his eyes tired and shining slightly with unshed tears. 'Called me all kinds of names when I tried to ask him to open the door.'

Anger rippled through Gladiolus. Okay, he knew that Noctis wasn't quite himself right now but he was hurting everyone around him, couldn't he see that? Ignis was falling to pieces inside, Prompto was hurt, he himself didn't know what to feel anymore. He just wanted his friend back. So he strode over to the bathroom and banged his large fist against the wood so loudly the door rattled on its hinges. 'You done in there?'

'Leave me alone,' Noctis's voice called.

'Yes, because that's worked out so well recently,' Gladiolus said, banging again. 'Noctis, I swear to Etro if you don't open this door right now-'

'You'll what?' Noctis challenged. 'You can't hurt me, Gladio. Only I can do that.'

Fear gripped his heart; what if Noctis was hurting himself right now? Was that what he meant? He'd been there when Ignis had painstakingly tended to each of the wounds on Noctis's arms, some of those had been self inflicted. 'Noctis what are you doing in there?'

'Being on my own, like I want. Just go away and leave me alone! Why do you always have to be there like a freaking shadow?'

Ouch. Gladiolus's hand froze, halfway to knocking again. 'It's my job to stay close to you, prince. And my honour, as your friend.'

'Well, consider yourself fired then. You can go. Go find another prince to protect. Ignis too, I'm sure he can get any job he wants being smart and fancy to some rich lord or king. You can all go, you have no obligations to stay here with me anymore. I don't need any of you, you're just getting in my way.'

Gladiolus glanced over his shoulder to where Ignis had sat down on the bed with Prompto. The man had removed his glasses and was wiping the glass on the hem of his shirt, concentrating hard on his task. It wasn't hard to see how much the comment had stung, it had stung him too. Because Noctis had sounded so serious.

Prompto reached out for Ignis, rubbing a hand up and down the taller man's arm. 'He doesn't mean it. Remember he doesn't mean it. He was saying the same stuff to me, telling me I was just a criminal and that I should leave or he'd call the police.'

Ignis nodded, his adams apple quivering as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He replaced his glasses and stared out of the window opposite the bed. 'I know. I do know.'

Prompto abandoned the small act of affection and threw himself at Ignis, wrapping his arms around him in a hug and letting Ignis's head fall to his shoulder.

That was all Gladiolus had to see. This had to end _now_. 'Noctis you have five seconds to open this door. Five. Four.'

'Wasn't aware you were capable of counting backward. Add it to your cv, your next employer might be impressed.'

Oh screw him. Gladiolus abandoned the countdown and reached for the handle. It was a cheap lock, it didn't take much to heave his shoulder against the door and smash it open. The wood splintered and the door rebounded off the side of the bathtub as everything was cramped together to save space in the small room.

Noctis was sat in the empty bathtub with eyes wide when he realised what Gladiolus had done. 'What are you doing?' he asked.

'What are _you_ doing, should be the question,' Gladiolus said gruffly, reaching into the bath and hauling Noctis up over his shoulder, for the first time in his life not caring if he hurt the prince. Maybe a little flare of pain would clear the idiot's head a little.

Noctis kicked and screamed like a toddler as he carried him across the room to the second single bed and threw him down onto it. Immediately Noctis tried to get up, but Gladiolus pinned him down, straddling his waist and holding his wrists above his head. Noctis screamed in a ridiculously high pitch and arched his back as he squirmed and tried desperately to get away, but he was no match for Gladiolus. Instead the dark haired man twisted and tried to bite at Gladiolus's arms.

'For Etro's sake, Noct, calm down,' Gladiolus said. This was terrifying. This was nothing like the man he knew.

Despite their hurt Ignis and Prompto hurried over and took up position either side of the bed. Prompto ran a hand through Noctis's hair, trying to soothe him while Ignis tried to calm him with words. It took several minutes before Noctis collapsed back against the mattress, completely exhausted with a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead and his bangs damp. He was breathing heavily as he stared up at the ceiling, his thin ribcage rising and falling erratically.

'Highness?' Ignis asked nervously.

'You should all have left me,' Noctis whispered, his voice hoarse.

'Yeah, we probably should have,' Gladiolus said, his hands still holding Noctis's arms. He wasn't entirely convinced Noctis was over his bout yet.

'What the hell are you doing staying?' Noctis asked as he licked his dry, cracked lips. 'When I say stuff like that how can you want to stay with me?'

'It's not easy,' Prompto said, his hands still entwined in Noctis's hair as he twirled a lock around his finger. 'You were pretty awful.'

A tear trickled out of the corner of Noctis's eye, slid down his face to the covers beneath him. 'Why did I say any of that? I didn't mean any of it. If you left I'd have nothing. No reason to live. Nothing. I'd just kill myself and have done with it.'

Oh. _Oh_. Now they were going the other way, from the manic phase to depressed. Ignis placed a hand on Gladiolus's arm, indicating the man could let Noctis free. Even once his hands were free Noctis didn't move a muscle. Slowly Ignis moved his hands down so that they were resting by his sides more comfortably. 'Never say that. It won't be forever, highness. The withdrawal period won't last long, then your head will feel much clearer. You'll still have moments of weakness, but they won't be nearly as violent as this.'

'But what about the things I've already said and done? They won't fade in a couple of days,' Noctis whispered. 'You'll all remember what I said to you, I don't deserve you after that. I'd be better off dead, Idola should have tried harder.'

Gladiolus uncurled the fists that Noctis's hands had balled into. 'Not gonna lie, that shit hurt. But you're not exactly yourself. And I don't want to hear another damn word about you being better off dead or I'll kill you myself, got it? Don't even joke about that, Noct. We'll get past this. If any of didn't think we could get past it we wouldn't have stayed.'

Noctis swallowed hard, but his gaze still remained fixed on the ceiling. He was too ashamed to face any of his friends. 'I wanna sleep,' he said in a small voice.

'You need to eat first,' Ignis said.

'I…' Noctis began, then the fight went from him. 'Okay.'

Having been expecting an argument Ignis quickly rose to his feet to heat up the soup he'd bought, not wanting Noctis to change his mind in the meantime. While he was gone Noctis seemed happy enough to just lie where he had fallen, as if the energy had left his body. Gladiolus took it upon himself to pull him further up the bed and prop him up with pillows. Noctis just stared at the wall vacantly.

'Hey. Maybe after you've had a nap we should all watch something together?' Prompto suggested, trying to break the silence.

Noctis didn't react.

'That'd be good,' Gladiolus said, nudging Noctis's arm. 'What do you think? Any preference?'

Noctis sat slumped like a rag doll.

Hurt flashed in Prompto's eyes but he didn't give up. 'We watched Despicable Me earlier, we could watch the sequel?'

Noctis blinked, and began to turn his head slightly to Prompto when the door opened and Ignis entered carrying a steaming bowl of soup and a glass of juice.

'We'll talk about it later,' Prompto said, smiling at the catatonic boy. 'Dinner is served by the look of it. Do we get any? I'm starving.'

'Not of this bowl, this is for his highness,' Ignis said. 'And some juice to get some vitamins into him.' He caught Gladiolus's knowing look and flushed a little. Okay so perhaps there were more vitamins than a glance of orange juice had any right to contain; he may have crushed up a few tablets to sprinkle into the liquid.

Noctis accepted the bowl from Ignis and awkwardly set it on his lap as he fumbled the spoon in his hand, trying to get it into position. His right arm was still stiff and sore so he used his left. The rich scent of chicken broth reached his nose as he stirred the thick liquid, then he looked up. And found three pairs of eyes staring at him. 'Um, you don't have to watch me _quite_ so intently.'

All three looked away quickly as if Noctis had just pulled his clothes off. 'Sorry,' Gladiolus said. 'Well, he seems settled. Shall I go get our pizza?'

'Please,' Ignis said, taking out his wallet and handing over several notes. 'Something with plenty of vegetables on for me, and a side salad please.'

'Awesome,' Gladiolus tucked the gil into his back pocket then clapped Prompto on the shoulder. 'Come on Prom, you can help me carry 'em.'

'We're really having pizza?' Prompto asked excitedly, jumping to his feet. 'Awesome! Pizza~ Pizza~ Pizza~' he sang as they left the room.

Ignis smiled as the door closed behind them, then turned to Noctis. His smile faded. 'It'll go cold if you're not careful.'

'Oh, sorry,' Noctis said, raising his spoon to his lips. The liquid was still warm, and very strongly flavoured. Any other day it would have been tasty, but he just wasn't feeling it. 'You guys are getting pizza?'

'We are. Would you like some?' Ignis asked hopefully.

'No, I'm just trying to imagine who suggested it. You must be really out of sorts if you agreed.'

'There wasn't much choice, the only cooking instrument in this hotel room is a microwave and there's only so much I can do.'

'That's not the Ignis I know,' Noctis said, with a shadow of a smile. 'You had your own lab back at the palace. You're the smartest guy I know. You could do culinary wonders with a microwave.'

'Yes, well, perhaps I don't feel like cooking tonight,' Ignis said, removing his glasses and wiping them on his sleeve.

'You keep doing that. You only do that when you're worried,' Noctis said.

'Why on earth would I be worried?' Ignis said, completely deadpan.

'Ignis…I'm sorry.'

'I know. Please eat your soup, highness.'

'I will. I just wanted to say that I'm-'

'Sorry. I'm aware of that. Please eat as much as you can.'

Noctis bit back anything else he was going to say. Ignis was telling him to shut up, in his tactful overly polite Tenebrae way. His friend's emerald eyes were looking everywhere but at him. Noctis stared down into his soup, feeling less hungry than ever, but knowing Ignis would be upset if he didn't try. The last thing he wanted now was to disappoint him again. He ate another spoonful thoughtfully and tried desperately to think of something to say to make it all better, but there was nothing. What could he say? Or do? He was still pondering and eating slowly when the door opened and Prompto burst in carrying a tower of boxes.

'How many people are we buying for?' Ignis asked.

Noctis noted that Ignis had no problems meeting Prompto's gaze. That hurt but then it was what he deserved.

Gladiolus entered shortly after, also carrying boxes. 'Uh, well, we weren't quite sure what kind to get, so we got one of everything. And your salad.'

'I suppose the change I was expecting…?' Ignis said.

'Yeah, there's no change,' Prompto said dismissively. 'Also we got this huge bottle of cola and a bag of chocolate coated pretzels. How cool is that?'

'I dislike cola,' Ignis said.

'That's why we bought tea bags,' Gladiolus said with a grin, holding out a small box of Early Grey. 'Your favourite. Thought you could use something to cheer you up.'

A smile graced Ignis's lips as he took the box. 'Thank you.'

Noctis just glared at them. Damn them and their happiness. He knew that Ignis drank Early Grey. He could have got them and made Ignis happy. But no, it had to be Gladiolus and Prompto that bought Ignis a gift. They were so fantastic and perfect, he was just the screw up that ruined everything. Not liking the lack of attention Noctis set his bowl down loudly to make a point.

Ignis's smile faded as he glanced over. 'You've eaten six and a half spoonfuls, highness, I think you could try to eat a little more.'

'It's cold,' Noctis said with a smug smirk. He'd never pushed Ignis this far before, and it was funny to see the little muscles in his jaw clench a little. His friend needed to shave, he was starting to get stubble.

'Perhaps you should have eaten it a bit faster then. You'll have to make do, if I go and heat it up then _my_ dinner will get cold.'

'How does salad get cold?' Noctis asked.

'I will be partaking in a slice of pizza to go with my salad. Etro knows we now have enough pizza to feed the Niflheim army.'

'Well, if you're not going to do it then I'll heat it myself,' Noctis said, kicking the covers back and grabbing up his bowl. He stormed past his friends through the door, making a show of stomping his feet as hard as he could, which wasn't very effective as he was only wearing socks to beat against the soft carpet.

Prompto glanced from the door to Ignis with sad eyes and a slice of pizza hanging between his teeth. 'Sh'd 'e gow iv'im?'

Ignis sighed. 'Please finish your mouthful before speaking.'

Prompto swallowed. 'Sorry. Should we go with him? In case he makes a run for it?'

There was a brief pause, then the beep of the microwave being set.

'You know what? I don't care,' Ignis said, lifting the lid on the nearest box. Hawaiian. Perfect. He tore a bite off with his teeth and chewed angrily.

'Iggy, you don't mean that,' Gladiolus said, placing one slice of pizza on top of another to make a double decker.

'Maybe I do. Maybe it's time he learned that his actions have consequences. I try my bloody hardest for him and it's not good enough, so perhaps he really is better off without me. Clearly my best just isn't good enough. Prince Noctis knows best, he doesn't need advisors.'

Prompto chewed another slice of pizza as the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees. Nothing was said for a few long moments as they ate, and though none of them admitted it they relaxed a little when the microwave beeped again and the door to the machine was opened. Noctis hadn't run away.

They made their way through a good deal of the pizza before Gladiolus stretched his arms up over his head and winced as the joints in his shoulders cracked. 'Think I'm gonna take a walk.'

'This late?' Prompto asked, tearing open the chocolate pretzels.

'I say walk, I mean through to the other room. Check to see if our Prince Charming has fallen asleep in his soup.'

Prompto nodded, Ignis just poked at the remnants of his salad.

With a tired grunt of effort Gladiolus pushed himself to his feet and went through to the next room. Noctis was sat cross legged on one of the single beds, a half eaten bowl of soup in front of him as he slowly swirled the spoon in the cold, congealed mess.

'Looks tasty,' Gladiolus said.

Noctis was silent.

Gladiolus bent down and took the bowl, setting it on the surface beside the microwave. He turned back to see Noctis still staring down where the soup had been. 'Come on kiddo, don't do this.'

'Don't do what?' Noctis said stubbornly.

Gladiolus crawled onto the bed, it dipping with his weight as he shuffled over to Noctis and pulled the other man over to the head of the bed where he could wrap a large arm around him and make him rest against his chest. 'Don't do what it is that you're doing. You didn't have to come through here, you could have sat with us.'

'No I couldn't. If I hadn't left then I'd have been nasty to you all again, and I didn't want that. I could feel it inside me, I wanted to hurt you all. I wanted to say things that weren't true but that I knew would upset you. What kind of friend does that? So I thought it would be best if I left.'

'Fair enough. That's progress; you're recognising that you're being an ass. And it didn't last as long this time if you're calmer already,' Gladiolus said, gently running his hand up and down Noctis's back.

'I am. I think it's getting easier to manage them now. Wish it had been easier all along, then I wouldn't have made you all hate me.'

'Noct, we don't hate you,' Gladiolus said.

'You're good at hiding it then. Ignis isn't, he really hates me.'

'Still don't get it, do you? If we hated you we'd walk. Right now you're the most dangerous person on the planet to be around, and your kingdom has kind of gone to hell. Any one of us could walk away right now. We _want_ to be here with you. We _want_ to help you. We love you, Noct. Through thick and thin we love you. And we know that you love us. So we'll stay, even though right now it hurts. That's what friends do.'

Noctis turned and buried his face against Gladiolus's shoulder, hiding the tears that formed. His bodyguard was warm and solid and comforting, so he clung to him like a lifeline and cried himself to sleep, wondering what he'd done to deserve these people in his life.

-

Strangely enough it was the lightning rather than the thunder that woke him. His sleep had been restless enough but the call of electricity was enough to wake him up completely. Lightning had always fascinated him, even when he had been a child. There was some kind of affinity to it he was sure, something that drew him to the power that it held, the destruction it could cause and the beauty in its elegance. There was a distant rumble of thunder then silence again, save for Gladiolus's heavy breathing as the man slept on behind him, thick arms wrapped tightly around Noctis and the huge warm body spooned against his back. He felt calm, at ease for the first time since his father had been murdered and his world had fallen apart.

Then the rain started.

One moment there was silence outside, then the rain was pounding against the glass like bullets. The room lit up a brilliant white again. Noctis counted under his breath up to eight until thunder boomed from afar. Still a way off, but hopefully it was heading their way. He could use a good storm, it would be cleansing.

Noctis sat up in bed and listened to the falling rain outside for a long moment, taking in the dark room around him. Gladiolus was stirring in his sleep, reaching out for Noctis now that he had lost the warmth of the prince. Noctis smiled and reached out a hand to place in Gladiolus's, the rough skin familiar against his own smooth hand. Prompto was laid out on the other bed taking up as much space as possible for such a scrawny guy. His mouth was wide open and he'd kicked the covers off at some point so Noctis could see that he was still fully clothed. If Ignis was in the room, however, then he was lost to the darkness. With a sinking feeling Noctis knew that his advisor was behind the closed door in the second room. Clearly Ignis couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore.

The mattress creaked slightly as he stood up, and for a second he thought one of his friends might waken. Ignis would have, but the other two men slept on. On light feet he padded across the room to the window and opened it; instantly the sound of pounding rain intensified, and there was a light earthy scent of ozone in the air. Noctis leaned his elbows on the windowsill for a moment and looked up into the dark night sky, watching the raindrops fall like diamonds. When you looked up they seemed to fall in slow motion, but when you watched them normally they fell in super speed. They were born in the clouds, they had a short life in freefall, then they died without fuss. That could have been him. Born into royalty, a short life with no real purpose, then a quiet death in a cheap hotel room. The thought terrified him.

He climbed up onto the windowsill then looked down; it was a long way to jump. He'd probably break an ankle if he was unlucky, and the ground was slippery. It hadn't worked last time but he felt a bit stronger in his mind now, the little tendrils of ether that connected him to the crystal were starting to join up again. He concentrated on those, on mending them and joining them up. A ghostly blue sword appeared in his hand, glowing in the darkness. He threw it down to the floor then warped, a shock of adrenaline rushing through him as he passed through the fabric of time to land on the ground below.

His socks were wet. Everything was wet; the raindrops were huge and soaked his clothes and plastered his hair to his face. He spread his arms out wide and tilted his face up to the sliver glow of the moon. Around him were golden lights of unsettled spirits, those who had yet to find their way to Etro's gate. They glided through the air aimlessly, paying him no mind. So he ignored them. There was nothing he could do for them, and the sooner he accepted that the happier he'd be. Instead of dwelling on their misfortunes he had to appreciate that he hadn't ended up as one of them. Ignis had been right; it would have been so easy for him to have died from injecting the unknown drug into his veins.

He laughed. More of a choking sob, but it soon turned into laughter. Laughter at himself for doing it all. Laughter at the world for screwing him over and taking everything that he held dear. Laughter that his friends were alive but all he could do was worry about their deaths, rather than cherish them while they lived.

The rain was cold on his skin but he didn't mind. It felt nice, cathartic in a way. The lightning that came filled him with energy and confidence, and a renewed assurance that electricity was _his_ element. That it was here to help and heal him. This was his storm. Someone had sent it to him to remind him of who he was, and who he needed to be. And when he finally let his tired arms fall to his sides he knew exactly how to make things up with Ignis.

He warped back up to the window, happy to have his powers back, and left the window open behind him so that he could hear the raging storm clearer. It kept him calm as he poured water in the kettle and dropped a bag of earl grey tea into a china cup. Once the water was boiled he stirred in a dash of milk, in absence of the thin slice of lemon that Ignis preferred. There was sadly no saucer with the cup, but needs must.

Noctis carried the cup past the two sleeping men and gently pushed the door open, wondering as he was half inside whether he should have knocked. He'd never have worried about doing so before, but now he felt almost like a stranger and suddenly he felt very self conscious. What if Ignis told him to leave?

The room was dark as he slipped inside, but both beds were empty. Bathed in the silver glow of the moon Ignis was sat at the window reading a novel. If he'd looked up when Noctis entered then he'd turned back to his book very quickly.

'Good evening, highness,' Ignis said. So he must have looked. Or else he knew there was only one person that would enter a room so silently.

'I…uh. Tea,' Noctis said, holding up the cup. 'I made you tea. There was no lemon but we had a little carton of milk and I know it's only semi-skimmed not skimmed like you like but I thought you'd freak out if I went to the shops and I don't know where they are or even if anything is open so I thought this would be alright.'

Finally Ignis looked up. 'Thank you.' He went back to his book.

Not really knowing what to do, Noctis hovered for a moment, then shuffled over to the little table in front of Ignis's chair and set the cup down as quietly as possible. Then he hesitated, not really knowing what he was expecting. Gushing praise for his tea making abilities? Adoration for being so thoughtful? He received nothing of the sort; Ignis simply turned a page with a crisp snap of paper, ignoring him completely.

Outside lightning split the sky, and in the brief moment of illumination Noctis saw it. The silvery trails of dried tears on Ignis's cheeks. His heart tore in two and he knew what he had to say to make things right.

'Ignis?' he asked, not surprised when the man ignored him. '…I forgot. Tell me about where the lightning comes from, again.'

There. There was something. The slightest change in Ignis's posture, the delicate hitch of his breath. The rain continued outside as it always had done but inside the room something had changed.

'I just…wondered. Where it came from. Because it's like magic.'

Ignis swallowed hard, then his emerald gaze slowly lifted from the page. 'You know where it comes from. You don't need me to tell you anymore.' That voice, so beaten down, so resigned.

Noctis took a tiny step forward, placed a slender hand on the book and took it from Ignis's grasp. He set it down on the table beside the tea then turned and looked outside. 'I still need you. I forget things, like where the lightning comes from. Or how I should act, or what I should do. I need you more than you'll ever know, Ignis. To help me and guide me. To get me through each day. I need your intelligence, I need your strength…I need your love. And I am so, so sorry for making you think that I didn't. I was selfish and I wanted you to hurt because I wanted those damn drugs, so I thought if I could push you away you'd leave me alone and I could get them. But even though I was hurting you, you still tried to help. You never left me. You just kept being amazing, and I kept being an ass. I'm sorry, Ignis. And I really hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me.'

Silence. Pure silence, broken only by the sombre rhythm of the rain.

Noctis sighed. 'Enjoy your tea, drink it before it gets cold. I'll see you in the morning.' He turned to go back to the room, intending to perhaps go out again in the rain. At least then he could pretend he wasn't crying. But then he heard a rustle of fabric behind him.

'It's not clear exactly how it happens,' Ignis said suddenly.

Noctis's hand froze midway to the door handle.

'But charges are formed when the particles within a cloud bump together.' Ignis's voice broke a little, as he recited the words he had told Noctis as a child a dozen times. It had been his favourite story, his huge eyes would light up as he eagerly took in every word, and though he knew it all by heart he'd always liked to hear Ignis say it. Ignis swallowed hard, unable to go on as he pictured the child prince; so innocent, so loving.

'Like a balloon,' Noctis said, taking up the story. 'When you rub it and get static electricity.'

Their gazes met and it was like they were meeting each other for the first time again. Tentatively Noctis moved back over to the little table and chairs, and as soon as he got close enough Ignis's hand reached out for his and grabbed his wrist, tugging him down onto his lap. Arms went around him, holding him tightly and Ignis buried his face in Noctis's hair. Noctis could feel that his friend was shaking, and hear the muffled whimpers of sobs. Or was that him? Was he crying? Perhaps they both were, while the heavens cried outside, they cried inside. For what they'd lost, and what they'd reclaimed.

They held each other for a long time, Noctis sitting in Ignis's lap as they clung to each other. They slowly began to loosen their grip, and Noctis let his damp head fall to Ignis's shoulder, and Ignis's chin rested on top of his head. They fit together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle as they watched the storm outside.

'The positive and negative ions separate inside the cloud, the negative charge concentrating at the bottom,' Ignis's voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke, and Noctis leaned in closer to his warmth. 'And when the charge is strong enough it will strike out with a leader stroke and seek out an opposite charge. This could be in another cloud, or it could be in the ground which becomes positively charged during the thunderstorm. Once it makes contact a second or main bolt goes back up to the cloud, which gives the lightning its flash of light. It heats the air, which spreads quickly and creates the clap of thunder that follows the light.'

Noctis listened to the familiar explanation, taking comfort in it as he had done so many times before. But even more comforting were the warm arms around him, holding him close as if he was something precious. Something worth protecting.

As children their embraces had been few and far between. When Ignis had first been introduced to him the bespectacled boy had been so polite and standoffish that he made it clear he viewed Noctis as the crown prince above everything else, and that teasing him or touching him was off limits. As soon as he'd seen Gladiolus play fighting with him, and Prompto hugging him, though, Ignis had started to change. Every so often there would be a tentative proud pat on the shoulder when Noctis did well at school. Or a light teasing remark if Noctis fell ungracefully on his butt when training with Gladiolus. As Ignis began to realise these things were okay he had finally relaxed around Noctis and they'd enjoyed a carefree friendship ever since.

Since the incident it had felt as though they'd gone back to those shy children, though, unsure of what to make of each other and of what level of familiarity was acceptable. But now, leaning against Ignis's solid body and soaking up his warmth, it felt like the first time Ignis had properly held him. The rush of happiness in his chest that they had progressed to something more than advisor and prince, but true friends. Ignis's hand idly ran up and down his chilled arm, a soothing action that Noctis wasn't sure was for his benefit or Ignis's.

Ignis himself was perfectly content, watching the rain streaming down the window and breathing softly as he held Noctis close to him, in an embrace that made it clear he wasn't going to let go anytime soon. Noctis was his to protect, and though the prince's words still stung in his memory and there was that little nagging fear that he wasn't needed in the back of his mind, he knew he was being silly. That Noctis wanted him, that he had a place at his prince's side. That Noctis was sprawled all over him now and clinging to him made that clear. It made him feel wanted and he tipped his head to gently rub his cheek against the damp hair of his prince. When had that got damp? Why was he wet? Ignis could guess it was from the rain and a new stab of worry ran through him as he pictured Noctis sneezing and coming down with a fever. He wrapped his arms more completed around the thin form of his friend, warming him up and protecting him from everything. He'd sort that out in a bit, for now he just wanted Noctis close. But it wasn't to be.

'I hate storms,' said Prompto's voice from the doorway. 'Never understood how Noct could watch them like that. I was always scared he was going to get struck, even from inside the palace behind the window.'

Noctis and Ignis both turned away from the window, where Prompto and Gladiolus had slipped into the room and were leaning against the doorframe.

'If you think that's bad, I had to go out in them with him,' Gladiolus said. 'Every time there was a storm and after he'd had his story from Iggy he'd want to go out and see it up close. The number of times I got soaked for him.'

'And the number of times I had to nurse you both with colds,' Ignis said, chuckling lightly.

'It was worth it,' Noctis whispered. 'The lightning is always worth it.'

'It was. Because every time it lit up the sky it lit up your smile, too,' Ignis said, watching his prince with a fond gaze. Yes, the man had grown up. And no he probably didn't need him quite as much as he had when he was a child, when he would come to him with questions about the world and with scraped knees or in tears from arguments with his father. He was grown up now with grown up problems that Ignis had to find new ways to help him with. Just because the problems had changed didn't mean that Noctis needed him any less. And despite his shortcomings, Noctis was somebody he was proud to know, because when he gave you his love then the world stopped turning and you couldn't help but bask in his glow.

'This is nice, but shouldn't we all be sleeping right about now?' Prompto asked.

Ignis cleared his throat, and shifted Noctis a little in his arms. 'Very true. I have liked this, but you do need sleep, highness.'

'Noctis,' Noctis told him.

'Noctis,' Ignis agreed with a little smile.

'I can't sleep, and I never thought I'd hear myself say those words,' the prince said.

'It might be worth trying something that I bought for you earlier,' Ignis said. 'I had hoped it wouldn't come to it, but your body hasn't rested properly in a long time and with the effects of the crystal sapping your strength sooner or later you're going to collapse if you don't rest.'

Gladiolus picked up the little paper bag from the bedside table and opened it up, shaking a little foil packet out of the box inside.

'Sleeping tablets?' Prompto asked, halfway between amused and concerned. 'Noctis needing sleeping tablets? Now I've heard everything.'

Noctis took the pill in his hand and stared down at it.

'It's just for tonight, they can be addictive if used long term but for one night you'll be fine. I promise,' Ignis said softly into his ear.

And Noctis trusted him, so he swallowed the pill and chased it with water from the bottle Gladiolus handed him. 'How long does it take to work?'

'About fifteen to twenty minutes,' Ignis said, as Noctis settled back against him. He gently ran his hand up and down Noctis's arm, frowning. 'You know, I never did ask you why you're soaking wet.'

'And why the bedroom window was open?' Prompto said. 'I nearly froze my balls off-'

'Thank you, Prompto,' Gladiolus interrupted. 'I'm going to assume you went for a walk, highness?'

'Didn't really walk, just went outside for a bit to feel the rain and watch the storm better. Sorry, I've made you damp,' Noctis said with a frown, trying to pull away from Ignis.

Ignis just held him tighter. He wasn't letting go now that he had him back. 'It's fine. I'm worried about you, in your condition you could have come down with pneumonia. Could someone pass me the towel from the bathroom?'

Prompto nipped in to retrieve it, but instead of handing it over he let Ignis carry on holding Noctis and went about drying the prince's hair for him, towelling the dark locks so they were no longer dripping. He snorted. 'I love this part, look how fluffy he is. Like a duckling.'

'Oh, you're teasing someone about their hair?' Gladiolus challenged with a grin.

'Mine is subject to rigorous styling, I'll have you know.'

'Styled on what? A beach wave?' Gladiolus asked.

Noctis laughed softly, but there was no energy to it. His body was starting to relax now, melting against Ignis again as the sedative took effect faster than Ignis had predicted. He managed to tip his head up so that he could see his advisor, and it warmed his heart to see the smile on the other man's lips again. Maybe everything really would be alright. 'Thank you,' Noctis said. At least he thought he said it. But his eyes were heavy and suddenly they were closed. And the sounds of Gladiolus and Prompto's voices were drifting further and further away.

Ignis felt the shift in Noctis's body as the prince went limp in his arms, and when he glanced down it was to see dark lashes resting against pale skin. He smiled softly and bent to press a kiss to Noctis's forehead, smiling when Noctis smiled sleepily. 'Perhaps the two of you might like to be a little quieter, the pills are effective but they've never had to deal with your level of volume before.'

Prompto pouted, but shut up as soon as he realised Noctis had fallen asleep. He crawled over to the edge of the bed he was sitting on and leaned over to watch the dark haired prince. 'So he's properly asleep now? And he'll actually stay that way and get some rest?'

'That's the hope,' Ignis said. 'They should help him sleep for approximately eight hours, which should be enough to help restore his energy a little. By then I'm hoping his body will have returned to some state of normality and he'll be able to eat and sleep as he typically would.'

'And if he can't?' Prompto asked.

'Then we bought some of those milkshakes he used to love so much,' Gladiolus said grimly.

'Ugh. I remember those,' Prompto said. 'I like sweet things but even I couldn't stand them.'

'Fortunately they weren't for you,' Ignis said.

'No, but I felt for Noct every time the healers told him he needed them. It was always when he was feeling crappiest, too.'

'That was the point of them. The crystal exhausted him so much he slept instead of eating, so he drank nutrients instead. They're really not so bad-'

'Iggy they're awful,' Gladiolus said. 'I drink protein shakes for fun and I still think those things we made him drink were vile.'

'Well. Perhaps the threat of them will motivate him to try a bit harder at eating then,' Ignis said.

'Poor Noct,' Prompto said, reaching out and ruffling the fluffy dark hair. 'Hey, you gonna hog him all night? That's not fair you know, you should share.'

Ignis gave the blond an amused look. 'I recall that you and Gladiolus have spent more nights than I with his highness. I'm making up for lost time.'

'All the more reason for me to be near him, I'm not used to sleeping alone now,' Prompto countered.

Ignis sighed, but in reality the chair wasn't the most comfortable place to spend the entire evening. He stood up awkwardly with the prince in his arms, then carried the prone figure bridal style over to the bed, clutching his friend close to him and careful to keep him steady. He laid him down softly on the bed then ensured he took prime place by his side, pulling Noctis's thin body close against him and wrapping a slim arm around Noctis's waist.

Prompto was quick to dive in the other side, but there wasn't really any bed left as it was a single. 'So unfair. Gladio, there's no room for us.'

'So we make room,' the tank said with a shrug of his massive shoulders.

Prompto jumped out of the way as the other man pushed the second bed up against the first, and with a cheer Prompto crawled onto it, diving under the covers and managing to align them properly so he was curled up against Noctis and there was no gap in the blankets. Gladiolus got in last, pressing close to Prompto so that he could reach across and take Noctis's hand in his own, rubbing the pad of his thumb across Noctis's knuckles.

The three of them fell asleep easily, feeling happier than they had in days and lulled by the gentle sounds of Noctis's breathing and the raging storm outside.

-

There was a glass of thick, pink milkshake, and a bowl of cereal and milk. The decision wasn't difficult; Noctis grabbed the bowl quickly before Ignis changed his mind and decided that he needed to have both.

'Good choice,' Gladiolus said, munching on the bacon sandwich Ignis had nuked in the microwave for him.

'Better choice,' Prompto said, holding up his slice of cold spicy chicken pizza.

'That is just…words cannot describe quite how disgusting that is,' Ignis said over his own bowl of cereal.

'Better than letting it go to waste, right?' Prompto said with a grin. 'And there's some pretzels left over too.'

'Etro help me,' Ignis muttered under his breath, then picked up the milkshake and sat it in front of Prompto who was sitting opposite him at the table. 'Perhaps I should be worrying about your nutrition instead of his highness'.'

Prompto paled and quickly slid the drink away, into Gladiolus's path. 'Uh, I'm good actually, thanks! Gladio, why not take a sip?'

'Not on your life,' Gladiolus said, leaning back in his chair away from the offending drink.

'So you all used to make me drink them even though I was in tears begging you not to make me, but you won't drink it yourselves?' Noctis asked, an amused smile on his lips.

'I tried it once, it was horrible. I have never had anything that tastes less like strawberries than that strawberry milkshake. In fact this pizza tastes more like strawberries than that strawberry milkshake,' Prompto said, waving the half slice he had left at the offending drink.

'It can't be that offensive,' Ignis said.

'Have _you_ ever tried it?' Noctis asked.

'Well, no, because I was always able to remain awake for my meals,' Ignis said, shifting uncomfortably as Gladiolus pushed the glass closer to him with a smirk. 'I don't think I require a build up drink, I eat a perfectly balanced nutritional diet-'

'One sip won't kill you,' Gladiolus said. 'It'll make you wanna hurl, but it won't kill you.'

The other three were watching him now, with smirks on their faces. Well, it was just a drink. He could handle it, especially since Noctis had drunk glasses of it as a child. Adjusting himself so that he was sitting up properly Ignis reached out for the glass and brought it to his lips. It stank of sucrose, and a underlying tang of artificially sweet strawberry. He tried to keep his face neutral as he took a sip; the cool liquid was thicker than he'd anticipated, and it took a lot of tipping to get it out of the glass. Once in his mouth it was thick and cloying and stuck to the roof of his mouth. And Prompto was right; it tasted nothing like strawberries. It took every ounce of control he had to keep the grimace from his face as he forced the mouthful down, then set the glass on the table louder than he had intended.

'How was it?' Noctis asked.

'Fine,' Ignis lied.

'Want the rest of it? No sense in it going to waste,' Prompto said, proving his own resourcefulness by tearing another slice of cold pizza from the box.

'I already have my tea, thank you.'

'Yeah, otherwise you'd have just drunk it down in one, right?' Gladiolus said with a knowing smirk.

Ignis didn't dignify that with a response, and simply endured their teasing as breakfast continued. He made a silent apology to the young Noctis, who he'd forced to drink those god awful shakes.

With their meal out of the way Ignis went about tending to Noctis while Gladiolus began packing up their things. The bandage was removed, and Ignis gently probed at the infection site.

'I think it's starting to get better,' he murmured. 'How is the pain?'

'Not so bad this morning,' Noctis said. He'd woken up after twelve hours of sleep, instead of the promised eight. And since he'd slept so solidly it seemed his friends had slept through with him for most of it, as he'd woken up warm and comfortable surrounded by his friends. He'd then had to wait to eat after he'd had his antibiotic and that had made for a late breakfast.

'I can't see any issues with it healing up nicely, it'll just take a while. We'll keep it dressed with a bandage for not to deflect any questions Lady Lunafreya or the royal family in Accordo may have.'

'How do we explain how terrible he looks? No offence, highness,' Gladiolus asked, sitting down on the bed next to Noctis and tackling him to the side, tickling his ribs.

'The stress of losing his father and the attack on his kingdom has been tough for him to cope with,' Ignis said easily with a shrug. 'It's hardly a lie.'

Noctis squirmed from his bodyguard's attack and made his escape to safety by climbing off the bed. Immediately he was accosted by Prompto who slung an arm around his shoulders.

'How far is it to Altissa anyway?' Prompto asked.

'Another day's drive should do it if we drive hard,' Ignis said.

'No stop offs?' Prompto asked in disappointment.

'The more stop offs we make, the more Magitek troops we run into,' Gladiolus pointed out. 'You really that desperate to practice your shooting?'

'No no, driving is good,' Prompto decided. 'We can play some driving games. Nobody was interested in eye-spy before, but I think things are a little easier now. I won't lie, I am a champion at this game.'

Noctis rolled his eyes. 'Unfortunately I have some important napping to catch up on.'

'Me too,' Gladiolus said quickly.

'…Me too?' Ignis tried.

'I can drive?' Prompto asked hopefully.

'Eye-spy it is, then,' Ignis said with a sigh. No way was he putting their lives in the hands of Prompto's driving skills. He trusted the blond man with his life in battle, but the gunner didn't have a licence and there was a reason he hadn't ever been able to pass his test. The bent signposts around Insomnia could vouch for that.

Their few belongings were packed up in the car and then Gladiolus carried Noctis out piggy back style, despite the prince's protests that he was perfectly capable of walking. He didn't complain too much, though, he'd noticed since waking up that all three of them had been finding any excuse to touch him as much possible. Brief little touches to remind him that they were there for him. Or huge obvious cuddles when Prompto was concerned, the gunner wasn't particularly discreet with his affection. Noctis didn't mind it at all, every touch meant that they were all healing, that the bonds were growing stronger again. He caught Ignis's gaze in the rear view mirror and smiled, his heart lightening when Ignis smiled back at him.

'Right, feet up highness,' Gladiolus said, grabbing Noctis' leg to hold in his lap as Noctis leaned against pillows that had been piled high in his end of the seat. Okay so it wasn't as comfy as a bed had been but it was nice laying stretched out across the back seat of the Regalia. And with Prompto chatting excitedly and constantly poking his head through the gap in the chairs to bring them all into conversation soon the atmosphere was easier too. Music played in the background punctuated by his friend's laughter, and Noctis found that it was easier than ever to fall asleep, happy to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

Because they had stuck by his side through the worst, he was going to do his very best for them. Starting now. He'd never let them down again.


End file.
